tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69871374910900736942024-02-18T18:13:17.132-08:00Mama Bean's WorldSome insights from a very average person living a very normal life.Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.comBlogger328125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-50030097668624247012021-10-25T22:03:00.000-07:002021-10-25T22:03:36.219-07:00Day 16... I may need professional assistance...<p>The anniversary weekend turned into an eating frenzy and not a lot of time for "self care"- it was fun, though.<br /> <br />I'm clearly lacking motivation.<br /><br />On paper, I know what to do. I know why to do it. I'd like to live a long and healthy life and yet...<br /><br />I'm considering hiring a personal trainer. I've done this before. The challenge I had was she liked me, we became friends and she didn't push me. I became her personal therapist in a way. She did give me a great work out plan.<br /><br /> As I'm reading biographies I think I found someone... but what if she actually pushes me?!!<br /><br />It'll hurt.<br /><br />Change hurts.<br /><br />I'm trying to embrace the change. Because I need to make one.<br /><br />Why can't this be easy?<br /><br />The good news, we had a change at work which gives me some flexibility- I can spend less time managing (or trying to) and spend more time on my practice and most importantly my health.<br /><br />A trainer will hold me accountable.<br /><br />I'm grateful it's something I can afford.<br /><br />People hire me to help them....<br /><br />So why do I have an issue with it? Is it the fear of being forced to actually push myself? Is it that I'm annoyed that I became the rich, fat middle aged woman who has to pay someone to tell her to get off her ass?<br /><br />Do I need a trainer or therapist?</p><p>Or am I maybe cheap and since I've been down this road before I don't want to try it again?<br /><br />Thoughts? Anyone?<br /><br />How do you make a change in your life?<br /><br />Any tips? <br /><br />I'm taking a Behavioral Psychology class at the moment- I started it to help motivate my team at work and my clients to take action.<br /><br />Looks like I may need it for me.<br /><br /><br /><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-6936960378302957442021-10-21T22:06:00.008-07:002021-10-21T22:25:31.120-07:00Day 12 and the Best Gift Ever<p> I'm not entirely sure if I'm actually doing any part of the 75 day thing... maybe a little? 75 days of self-care? The whole birthday/anniversary week tends to drag on... this Saturday is our official anniversary out. We're going to Homecoming! There are a lot of perks being married to a teacher!<br /><br />We had a great anniversary- just went to grab some sushi. My husband got me this amazing gift- it's a print of the sky with the longitude, latitude and date of when we met. He's usually gift giving challenged but this was perfect.<br /><br />But even with that awesome gift-- the best gift was yet to come.<br /><br />At my bridal shower and our wedding 20 years ago, my friend and bridesmaid Kami put together the best gift I've ever received. <br /><br />She numbered 20 envelopes and gave my friends and family cards to write good wishes and advice. We were tasked with opening one on our anniversary every year.<br /><br />And we have.<br /><br />In fact, every year, it's been the high point. <br /><br />Some have been hilarious. Shane's grandma kinda went on a rant about a cousin that was shacking up-- they were married by the time we opened it. People guessing when we had kids (sooner than anyone anticipated- including us!). Some were very thoughtful and full of great advice. We loved every single one.<br /><br />Last night was the last one.<br /><br />And it was the best one yet.<br /><br />Shane's dad. <br /><br />He passed away in 2004.<br /><br />There he was- with us. On our 20th. </p><p>He wished us good health- the most important thing; the ability to meet each other beyond half way; financial security- and a reminder that money doesn't buy happiness; the responsibility to be an active part of our community, country, church and world; happy togetherness and their love to help us through (which they definitely have).<br /><br />The end of the best gift ever ended on the perfect note.<br /><br />Love from someone who couldn't be there with us to celebrate.<br /><br />We were sad about all he had missed. He and our son had a special bond from Day 1. As a former airman he would be so proud that he was at US Air Force Academy. He never met our daughter who shares his artistic talent and a bit of his "passion" aka stubbornness. He's never been in our current home. All the holidays he wasn't there.<br /><br />My mother in law remarried and her husband has been absolutely lovely to our family. Our kids love him. We've had the benefit of getting to know his daughters and their families and sharing our holidays together. It's been good.<br /><br />But for that one moment Dad was there. With us. Wishing us all the love for our future. <br /><br />And his advice as we both struggle trying to make our health a priority, so timely. So perfect. <br /><br />We knew he'd be proud of us and our family. We had essentially followed everything else he wanted for us-- it was like he'd been guiding us all along.<br /><br />And that was the best gift ever.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB75hKSi-3n5p-eJCoxDGruzFOzxcB-fGz7itMBFlHvcE2UshuAVln4B9xdGEFYI9rwBdRJvMO0-OtC4bomsG0vYFJJTDqR3ROi42bTO8dighXritHANBqztaR4PRuZ51ZO5CZiQPjQOU/s640/IMG_1870.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB75hKSi-3n5p-eJCoxDGruzFOzxcB-fGz7itMBFlHvcE2UshuAVln4B9xdGEFYI9rwBdRJvMO0-OtC4bomsG0vYFJJTDqR3ROi42bTO8dighXritHANBqztaR4PRuZ51ZO5CZiQPjQOU/w424-h318/IMG_1870.jpg" width="424" /></a></div><br /><p><br /><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-15810759646750798292021-10-20T20:36:00.003-07:002021-10-20T20:57:48.629-07:00Day 11 and 20 years<p> Today was a planned mulligan because it's our 20th anniversary. I slept in. We went to all you can eat sushi. It was all good.<br /><br />Oh- and I made some amazing chili yesterday and ate 2 bowls and thought I was going to die from gas pains today.<br /><br />Just keeping it real. Because what's sexier than a gassy wife on your anniversary??<br /><br />But dang... 20 years... that went fast. I probably still have some thank you's to write....<br /><br />I would ask where it went but we have a son in his first year of college so clearly the time has been marked well.<br /><br />Twenty one years ago I never thought I'd be married with 2 kids. Not in the plans.<br /><br />It's been a fantastic twist to my story.<br /><br />Our kids are incredible. Truly. I'd hang out with them if they weren't my kids. I always tell them if I had been given a catalogue and been able to select my kids, I'd have picked them each time.<br /><br />My husband... that's a different story. <br /><br />We are so different yet so the same. Not a great match on paper- as evidenced by when I convinced him to sign up for E-Harmony. He had 20,000 matches (it maxed out). I had ZERO. <br /><br />I like to say he's the zig to my zag. We complement each other well even though we don't always compliment each other.<br /><br />He lets me be me. It's nice. I'm a whole lotta lotta.<br /><br />It hasn't been perfect and we've almost thrown in the towel, but I'm glad we haven't. <br /><br />The "kids" at the office asked me about marriage today. As the boss, they know I'm independent. I don't need to be married. Financially, I'm set. I get shit done. I have a ridiculous amount of undeserved confidence. I think my response surprised them - especially at the sentimentality behind it.<br /><br />The best part of being married for me is that I am surrounded by this enormous amount of love. From my husband. From my kids. Buckets of it. It makes me feel safe.<br /><br />In fact, every night I say a prayer of gratitude for it- "Thank you, God, for my husband, my children, my health, a job I love, my sweet dogs and all the love that surrounds me." And then I fall asleep in my husband's arms.<br /><br />And while I appreciate that this warm fuzzy image may not fit my normal, sarcastic, funny self- that moment at night, before I fall asleep is when I am my best self- at peace and surrounded by love.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-18660082515514508062021-10-19T22:10:00.002-07:002021-10-19T22:10:18.635-07:00Days 5-10 of 75<p> That blogging daily thing clearly did not happen!<br /><br />In my defense, my heavily secured work computers don't allow me to access Blogger. Fair enough. Also, my husband has started taking a class and he's using the family lap top for the class.<br /><br />Oh- and I've been ridiculously busy.<br /><br />I would love to report that I exercised every day. Ate completely healthy. Meditated. <br /><br />Didn't happen.<br /><br />However, some of it did. Enough to keep me inspired. I definitely exercised more than the week before. I was more conscious of my food choices. <br /><br />So not a complete crap job. Glimmer of hope. Shoots of green.<br /><br />The biggest challenge I face is work. I own my own business. It's going well. I love what I do. I can easily work 70 hours a week if left unattended. Having kids was a good thing for me- it made me step away. But now that the kids need me far less and I'm adjusting to back to the office after the pandemic... it's hard. During the pandemic, when most people were working less and complaining of being bored, I was working 12 hours. And the fact that it was from home, it made it easy to start early "Just a couple quick things...." and the next thing I knew it was 6 pm and I hadn't left my office since 6 am. Part of it was necessity because of what was going on, but honestly... I really like it that much. You know how they say if you love what you do, it's not work? That's true. </p><p>But... here's the thing. I have a treadmill and a bike at home. And a pool (but it's too cold right now). And I'm the boss. And I set my own schedule.<br /><br />My issue isn't time. <br /><br />My issue is prioritizing. Putting me first. It's weird. I don't even like writing that- so clearly the issues run deep!<br /><br />I need to get over it.<br /><br />So that's the focus of the next week. Being aware that putting other things before me, isn't healthy. It doesn't mean I'm selfish- it means I'm carving out a small part of the day to be healthy.<br /><br />Slow & steady...<br /><br />And I managed to get dressed every single day without injuring myself.<br /><br />Talk about progress!!<br /><br />Stay tuned...<br /><br /><br /><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-59930474990870625772021-10-13T20:50:00.005-07:002021-10-13T20:57:36.431-07:00Day 4 of 75- MULLIGAN <p><b><i>How I envisioned the day:<span></span></i></b></p><a name='more'></a><b><i><br /></i></b><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Wake up at 5:30 am. <br />Enjoy a cup of coffee with my hubby to start off his 50th birthday.<br />Hug my daughter and son as they head out for school.<br />Hit the treadmill for 10-15 minutes and watch some inspiring Ted Talk.<br />Take a shower.<br />Do my hair for my client lunch at noon.<br />Order flowers to deliver to my husband's school for his birthday.<br />Work from home and get caught up on some analysis I had to do.<br />Do some of the classwork for the U of Chicago program I'm taking.<br />Leave from home for the client meeting.<br />On the way back to the house, pick up a latte maker for my husband's birthday at Williams-Sonoma. <br />Get a cake and grab a thoughtful birthday card.<br />Go home and surprise him with the coffee machine. <br />Maybe squeeze in a quickie.<br />Go watch the last part of our daughter's flag football practice.<br />Meet his mom and her husband for dinner.<br />Eat cake and ice cream at home and celebrate his awesomeness.</div><p></p><p><br /></p><p><b><i>What really happened:</i></b><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">The night before, trying to get to bed by 10 pm, my daughter comes out from her room frantic-<br /></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>Daughter: Did Skip take his graphing calculator to college?</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: Yes. (Technically Skip forgot his calculator and I took it during Parents Weekend)</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: I need it tomorrow for the PSAT.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: Oh wow- that's tomorrow. I don't think you need a graphing calculator- I'm not even sure you can use.... (cut off)</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: They said I needed one.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: I'm pretty sure...hey wait... didn't we get you one at the beginning of the school year? It had it's own case..</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: (quietly) Yes. I can't seem to find it.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: Did you check in your back pack, I'm trying to remember the case ... (cut off)</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: (angry) NO I CAN'T FIND. THEY MOVED IT WHEN THEY CLEANED!</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: I don't think they did- they always put things right back where they were... I bet it's in your.. (cut off)</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: I LOOKED FOR IT. (storms off)</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">5 minutes pass.... Daughter returns...</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: This is all I have! (hands me the box for the screen cover...)</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: Okay Um.... I'm not really sure what you need me to do here.. do you want my financial calculator... I swear I don't think you can use a graphing one... </span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: I need a graphing calculator for tomorrow.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Me: It's 10:30 at night. You leave at 6 am. This is not going to happen... you realize there is nothing I can do. Do you want me to help you look for the $200 calculator that I have to admit, I'm not very happy that it's the beginning of second quarter and you've lost it...</span><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Daughter: (not pleased) I LOOKED FOR IT. (leaves room)</span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Me- goes to bed at 11:30 or so...</div></div><p style="text-align: left;">Sets alarm for 5:30<br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">Can't sleep because I had coffee at 2 pm. Mental note. My new age is Can't Drink Caffeine after Noon Old.<br />2 am - get up to pee. My new age is now Gets Up at 2 am to Pee Old. <br />5:30 am alarm goes off. I accidentally turn it off until snooze.<br />Deep sleep.<br />6:11- awakened by frantic husband- Daughter's bus did not show- can I drive her. Sure. Happy Birthday! I love you.... (he's already gone...)<br />6:11-6:18- Pee (again). Brush teeth. Stare at clothes half asleep. Try to decide if I come back home after I take her or just go to the office? Decide I might as well go to the office because it's faster than driving back home. Throw on something that doesn't look awful. Grab some earrings. Manage to get socks & underwear on without causing myself bodily harm. Toss hair. Look in mirror- growl. It's not pretty.<br />6:18- Daughter & I head out. Lotsa traffic. Daughter is panicking about the test and not having the calculator.<br />6:40- Drop daughter off. Smile. Wish her well.<br />7:00 At the office- grab the much needed coffee... log on computer... <br />7:10- Hubby texts thanking me. Associate that has Covid texts- tests are negative but he's still not feeling well- I tell him to stay home. Assistant texts- while associate is texting- her battery is dead so she is running late...</div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br />Now at this point, I'm kinda laughing... still in good spirits.<br /><br />I start doing a few things. Some emails distract me. Get a decent amount done.<br /><br />Go to my meet my client. The restaurant is packed and understaffed. They have Reubens. I haven't had a Reuben sandwich since well before the pandemic. So rather than go with the healthy salmon salad, I go big. My client laughs. We have a great meeting, but instead of an hour or so, it's 2 hours. Time well spent- we haven't seen each other.<br /><br />I still have plenty of time to get a gift, cake, etc...<br /><br />Except I'm tired. Like yawning while I'm driving. Then I start thinking... am I getting the cake because I like cake? My husband has been trying to cut out sweets .... but it's his birthday... and he had said not to make a cake.... and the espresso latte coffee thing... maybe also for me? So I rationalize that I should head home, grab a nap before dinner.<br /><br />Napped.<br /><br />Had a great birthday dinner at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants and let's just say good choices were not made.<br /><br />But at least there's no cake, right? Oh and the email I didn't read on the PSAT-- graphing calculators were not allowed. Daughter in good spirits.<br /><br />So no work out. Not great sleep. Not great food. <br /><br />It's a mulligan kinda day.<br /><br />And when I logged into Facebook a few friends had posted this meme<br /><br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyho_jiI0wU6A9-V2SLKlJkC9s0Vn02fA8TeSbIm1A5ZD8WVcN1-XxDpo4f5Aqghp4MqeT9OPVTu3NzneXfZ4ukhdFvF2MMJN1rLRN6voSZS01j5XKeS4gbJR6xB7c5n8U18GmmACER00/s646/holiday+meme.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="485" data-original-width="646" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyho_jiI0wU6A9-V2SLKlJkC9s0Vn02fA8TeSbIm1A5ZD8WVcN1-XxDpo4f5Aqghp4MqeT9OPVTu3NzneXfZ4ukhdFvF2MMJN1rLRN6voSZS01j5XKeS4gbJR6xB7c5n8U18GmmACER00/s320/holiday+meme.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And that's where I am now. Today life got me.<br /><br />I still can squeeze in a treadmill walk... or meditate.. and I'll read... but I'm tired.<br /><br />Tomorrow is another day.... keep on trucking!Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-58917642535226907152021-10-12T21:56:00.004-07:002021-10-12T21:56:41.577-07:00DAY 3 OF 75<p> Bored yet?<br /><br />I'd give today a strong B+ - good effort, didn't quite knock it out of the park but not a bad day.<br /><br />I did a treadmill work out with the Peloton app. I'm thinking of changing my Peloton name to CoolDownQueen since I pretty much, after 16 months of having the app, somehow manage to do primarily cool down workouts. <br /><br />This one was a Scottish guy and I swear I had no clue what he said the entire 10 minutes I "cooled down" with him. It was intriguing though... kept me focused... or basically I walked with a "WTF" look on my face... which is honestly how I go through life most of the time. If you remember the RCA dog head tilt... that's me. Anyhow, the Scottish dude is chatting it up as I waddle through at 2.1 mph... <br /><br />I seem to be recovering nicely from my underwear incident. Slow and steady. As I remind clients all the time... "Remember, the tortoise wins the race, not the hare." <br /><br />And I'm definitely more tortoise these days. That could be an insult to tortoises now that I think of it.<br /><br />I'm sitting here typing after 9 really wanting to snack. I did eat after 7:30 but only because we ate later. So 8.<br /><br />But I'm not doing this all or nothing crap. That's what I always do. Then I throw in the towel and go down a dark spiral and end up licking the butter dish at midnight. Not really... but pretty close. I'm not sure when night grazing became such a thing for me. I think it's once I got a TV. I was the weirdo without a TV forever. Then I didn't have cable until I got married. What can I say? I was really busy.<br /><br />So B+ it is. <br /><br />But the reality is, the day was an A+. I can't share my work stuff, but I made a difference today. I was there when someone needed me. <br /><br />I came home to my husband and like the video from yesterday suggested, I greeted him like I had missed him. I was grateful for him. This resulted in a pretty fun evening making dinner together and we always eat dinner together as a family. It's amazing how resetting an attitude has a huge impact on not just me, but everyone.<br /><br />And then my friend Kimberly writes about me in her blog-- and says all kinds of nice things... and how awesome is that gift? <a href="https://www.ourhighestselves.com/2021/10/a-little-help/?fbclid=IwAR09HYCV5iDCg9yu1J13S1EtJRDJaTY4zNxk6oc_2fEfbk73TPnKW-tgXmY" target="_blank">Our Highest Selves</a><br /><br />The B+ went to an A+.<br /><br />As I beat myself up for letting myself go, it was nice to know that some people could see me beyond what I see in the mirror. Maybe it was because I started the day with positive energy that the universe gave me some back?<br /><br />I have far more to be grateful for than to complain about. The next few weeks that will be my focus.<br /><br /><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-38710354907963942702021-10-11T20:48:00.001-07:002021-10-11T20:48:45.431-07:00Day 2 of 75<p> Apparently, a few of you were concerned that I would be twerking throughout my plan. TWEAKING the plan.<br /><br />What makes the misread even funnier... my back is sorta out.<br /><br />I actually did it on Saturday- the day before I decided to do this. We'll say it was my rock bottom...<br /><br />I pulled out my back putting on my underwear.<br /><br />Yep.<br /><br />You read that right.<br /><br />I was putting on my underwear after taking a quick afternoon shower and then PING.. out goes my back.<br /><br />I am in that bad of shape.<br /><br />Granted, 10 years ago, I was in better shape and threw my back out doing a jigsaw puzzle. <br /><br />ANYHOW- I could throw in the towel, but I didn't. I did my ten minutes this morning on the treadmill and even went a little longer. Sitting makes me uncomfortable. I read. I meditated. I'm slowly reducing my crappy food intake. It's all good.<br /><br />But here's what's on my mind- yesterday was National Mental Health Day. <br /><br />As the pandemic winds down and we return to normal, it's been hard. It was hard to quarantine. It's hard to come out of quarantine. The air is brown. There's another paper shortage. The mail is slow. Masks suck. Covid sucks. People are dying.<br /><br />Is anyone happy?<br /><br />It does not seem that way.<br /><br />Since I pride myself on zigging when others zag, I decided to stop being depressed and sad. (<i>And this is not to minimize legitimate depression-- I'm talking about the emotion of depression. Not the chemical imbalance kind). </i>That's it. I'm done. I'm over it. I truly have very little to be depressed about.<br /><br />Granted, pulling your back out putting on underwear is a little depressing, but it's actually even funnier than it is depressing. Especially if you could have seen it. I mean, truthfully, NO ONE needed to see it- but dang, it really was funny. <br /><br />I have an amazing life. I truly love what I do, I have a great husband, my kids are fantastic and my friends are ridiculously fun. <br /><br />But the funk of ick still gets to me. <br /><br />So I turned to my library of resources. Ted Talks.<br /><br />This is worth the nearly 20 minute listen. <a href="https://youtu.be/KZIGekgoaz4" target="_blank">Retrain your brain to be happy</a></p><p>I'm trucking through the next 75 days, trying to regroup, and I'm going to use these tips along the way. Start the day by being grateful. Sounds good to me. <br /><br />Maybe on Christmas Eve- Day 75, I'll be in such a better place, I may just twerk for joy.<br /><br /><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-39539153723047116072021-10-10T15:13:00.002-07:002021-10-10T15:14:15.492-07:00Where did I go?<p> I had a few people ask what happened to my blog... and they said they missed it. That gave me the warm and fuzzies.<br /><br />A few things happened to my blog....<br /><br />First, my kids grew to an age where sharing their stories was no longer appropriate. Teenaging is tough enough. No one needs your mom blabbing about it.<br /><br />Second, the Russians started reading my blog. I'm not making that up. That really creeped me out. <br /><br />Third, my broker-dealer blocks this website. So my computers that I use for work, I can't use to blog. I get it. I don't want to be responsible for some bizarre hacking incident. Because, as I know, the RUSSIANS WERE READING MY BLOG. <br /><br />Fourth, stupid people seem to have taken over the internet. And they are mean. They say mean things. And while I'm pretty tough, it really DID bother me. <br /><br />Fifth, stupid people are everywhere. I didn't have anything nice to say. I decided to follow the well given advice of Thumper- if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all.<br /><br />But here's the deal, I'm tired of the bullies winning. I also really miss writing. I'm nicer when I write. And call me vain, selfish or whatever- I think the world needs more Mama Bean and my sense of humor.<br /><br />Baby, I'm back.<br /><br />I'm fatter and older than ever, too.<br /><br />So this ain't no mommy blog.<br /><br />This is a perimenopausal soon to be empty nester long married blog.<br /><br />Baby, I've come a long way.<br /><br />Please blame my friend Kimberly. <br /><br />We were chatting about not being our best selves lately and she's doing this 75 day challenge thing and I said- okay, I'm in. You pick a healthy food plan- whatever works for you and stick to it for 75 days. You cut out alcohol. You read 10 pages a day. You exercise twice a day.<br /><br />But you kinda customize it. Just commit to yourself to do something good for yourself for 75 days.<br /><br />If I start today, that gets me to Christmas Eve.<br /><br />I'm giving myself some mulligans for my husband's 50th birthday, our 20th anniversary and Thanksgiving.<br /><br />But honestly, I remember doing a 2 hour spin class while my turkey cooked on Thanksgiving...<br /><br />So maybe I'll just apply the mulligan for wine and food.<br /><br />As for food- I've been busy dieting since I stopped blogging. I did so well I'm up 60 lbs. Yes, you read that correctly. So screw whatever food plan. I'm going to try and eat healthier. Yes, that's vague. <br /><br />Here's the plan--<br /><br />Exercise twice a day for at least 10 minutes. I can commit to that. <br />No snacking after 7:30 pm.<br />Only snacks are fruits, veggies or nuts.<br />Bed time at 10, except on Wednesday- 10:30 pm.<br />Blog every day. Take a selfie everyday. That's a thing with this.<br />Meditate every day. <br />Read 10 pages every day (this is so not even a thing for me)<br />Conduct all my virtual meetings while standing.<br /><br />This is no 35 year old Mama Bean trying to get fit. This is me, just trying to be a little bit healthier. That's all.<br /><br />And then I can tweak. <br /><br />But doing nothing and continuing the sloth like lifestyle I developed during the last part of the quarantine... that's gotta go.<br /><br />This is for my mental health. <br /><br />Feel free to join me!<br /><br />#75MyWay</p><p><br /><br /><br /><br /></p><p><br /></p>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-39916571861180183502020-08-23T19:35:00.000-07:002020-08-23T19:35:27.114-07:00'Twas the Night Before School Starts - 2020 Version<div style="text-align: left;"> 'Twas the night before schools starts <br />and all through the house<br />the children were set up-<br />"Mom, where's the extra mouse?"<br /><br />They each had their stations,<br />Or so they did say.</div><div style="text-align: left;">I doubted they had logged in </div><div style="text-align: left;">at all since last May.<br /><br />My husband, the teacher, </div><div style="text-align: left;">had been working non stop.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Uploading, downloading </div><div style="text-align: left;">until he would drop.<br /><br />I usually would tease him</div><div style="text-align: left;">about his 3 months off.</div><div style="text-align: left;">As I trudged to the office,</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'd grumbled and scoffed.<br /><br />But this year was different, </div><div style="text-align: left;">my office was now home.<br />We both worked this summer</div><div style="text-align: left;">never a moment alone.<br /><br />He had a month's notice to</div><div style="text-align: left;">switch everything he did-<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">How he worked, how he tested,</div><div style="text-align: left;">how he teaches each kid.<br /><br />My son is a senior,</div><div style="text-align: left;">not much for this fall.<br />No band, no lacrossing-</div><div style="text-align: left;">he's missing it all.<br /><br />My daughter a freshman</div><div style="text-align: left;">made this observation-</div><div style="text-align: left;">"It all is now homework-</div><div style="text-align: left;">no class participation."<br /><br />They miss their friends </div><div style="text-align: left;">and their teachers, too.<br />But they'll do what they need</div><div style="text-align: left;">to do to get through.<br /><br />Our home, now a school house</div><div style="text-align: left;">and my business, too.</div><div style="text-align: left;">We'll all be together</div><div style="text-align: left;">stuck in our zoo.<br /><br />2020 is not normal and </div><div style="text-align: left;">not what I envisioned</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm tired of corona</div><div style="text-align: left;">and I hate this division.<br /><br />But it is what is </div><div style="text-align: left;">and there's nothing I can do-</div><div style="text-align: left;">I could bitch, I could moan</div><div style="text-align: left;">but that hurts me and hurts you.<br /><br />So bring on the school year<br />Let's get this ball rolling!<br />With all of the chaos</div><div style="text-align: left;">it's like blind folded bowling.<br /><br />We all will get through this </div><div style="text-align: left;">and one day will laugh.<br />And it certainly would help</div><div style="text-align: left;">if we all wore a mask!<br /><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-75876102144265946622020-05-05T19:00:00.001-07:002020-05-05T19:00:31.020-07:00What if We Went Back to Better?"I'm so tired of the quarantine. I can't wait until we get back to normal!"- Everyone on the Planet, 2020<br /><br />But here's a thought...<br /><br />What if normal was broken?<br /><br />I work with a business coach and he said "I have to be honest- this is the best you've sounded in the past 10 years."<br /><br />(This was before my near meltdown last week where I simply wanted to run down the street naked and lick a streetlight while taunting the 'rona. It was a rough week.)<br /><br />But honestly, I've gone for more walks Taken more swims. Paced my work week.<br /><br />We always try to eat dinner together as a family- we normally can do it 4-5 times a week. Now we do it every night.<br /><br />And Sunday brunch has become a treat.<br /><br />We make sure we're getting sunshine.<br /><br />I've been sewing and spending time in my garden and baking and sharing all of this with neighbors and friends- things I didn't have time for before.<br /><br />I really started thinking about what "normal" was when we talking about what school would look like next year. Assuming there is no vaccine by August (a safe assumption), will the kids go in shifts? I threw out a schedule of MWFTR- stay home every other day for high school and middle school students. My son said that wouldn't work. And I argued back (because I relish the opportunity to argue with my teenagers) how does he know it wouldn't work? After all, isn't the US school schedule based on an agrarian culture? What if we did use year round school like most countries do? Clearly, public education in the US has been challenged- why not mix it up? What a great opportunity we've been given to try some new things.<br /><br />My work life has changed. My biggest challenge in working from home is that I NEVER MOVE. I'm in skype meeting after skype meeting with a Zoom or a WebEx thrown in for good measure. I've online trained- my continuing education requirements should be good for the next 2 years-- not a joke. In my office, we move more. I greet clients. We chat in the lobby. I have a standing desk.<br />
<br />
At home, I get sucked into my work and then it's late and I have barely moved. My FitBit thought I was sleeping once. Working from home a few days a month is good for me-- every day, not the best.<br /><br />What if some kids would do better NOT being in school from 9-3, 5 days a week, at a desk? What if some kids do learn better on the computer? What if we mixed it up? I don't know but what we were doing wasn't working so what do we have to lose?<br /><br />When I was learning about adult education and how to teach adults how to read, I learned that you are primarily a visual, auditory or tactile learner but you learn best when it's mixed up. When I taught a financial class at the university, we took a lot of breaks, worked on cases as a class, had individual quizzes and I lectured. The other instructors did straight lectures. Guess whose students performed best? (That would be mine)<br /><br />And in my professional career, I was happiest and most efficient when I worked part time from home and part time at the office- it kept it fresh and new.<br /><br />This has been a shake up to the status quo.<br /><br />The daily grind wore me down. My kids were wearing down. My husband was wearing down.<br /><br />And suddenly there was this reprieve. And we went for walks and road bikes. And school work became interesting because it was optional and was to learn and not to simply be tested and quantified.<br /><br />And work is about what needs to be done and truly asking "How are you?" and meaning it.<br /><br />And there are the same hours in the day and while the days do blend together they seem to include more time.<br /><br />But what if we could keep some of it? The good parts.<br /><br />I miss the games, friends, dinners out- I really miss haircuts- but I don't want to lose some of the peace that has come with this experience. <br /><br />What if we could live on less?<br /><br />What if we still took the time to breathe each day?<br /><br />What if we placed staying alive on the top of the priority list again?<br /><br />What if we kept reaching out to our neighbors and family?<br /><br />What if we kept making sure to get 15 minutes of sunshine?<br /><br />What if work was less a grind of time and more an accomplishment of duties?<br /><br />What if we didn't go back to normal?<br /><br />What if we went back to better?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-80128983463892422462020-01-15T00:23:00.002-08:002020-01-15T00:31:06.311-08:0050 Things I've Learned in 50 years1. No one will ever love you like your dog.<br />
2. Marry the nice one. Not the cool one. Not the rich one. Not the charming one. The nice one.<br />
3. Gardening fuels your soul. Something about planting a seed and sharing the harvest with others makes you feel connected.<br />
4. Try never to be the smartest person in the room so that you're always learning.<br />
5. Tip good waiters well.<br />
6. Learn to calculate a tip in your head. It will mesmerize people.<br />
7. Celebrate every birthday like it's your last because you never really know.<br />
8. Hug people. Not in a creepy, forceful way but to let them know you care.<br />
9. Tell the teacher that mattered that they mattered.<br />
10. Tell anyone that mattered, that they mattered.<br />
11. Take the least stressful route when driving even if it's not the fastest.<br />
12. Read.<br />
13. Sometimes people are assholes and that's just how it is.<br />
14. Go to lectures at the local university because you should never stop learning and you'll meet other people who want to grow as well.<br />
15. You have no idea what it's like to be a parent until you are a parent- for better or for worse.<br />
16. If someone wants to end a relationship with you- friendship, romantic- let them. And don't be angry about it. It opens the door for you both to find your tribe.<br />
17. Religion has little to do with spirituality or morality. <br />
18. Don't buy a car the same day you test drive it. It will be there the next day.<br />
19. Travel every time you have the opportunity.<br />
20. Don't let other people take their issues out on you.<br />
21. When you public speak, put your non-dominant foot slightly forward. Your subconscious will freak out about it and you will be less nervous.<br />
22. If you're raising a child, let them fail. They need to learn that it won't kill them and that they can recover.<br />
23. Dressing up makes me feel good when I'm down.<br />
24. Wear loafers or slide on shoes when you fly- and socks. Those floors are disgusting.<br />
25. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to put up with their behaviors towards you or others. You don't get a "Get Out of Jail Free" card because you share DNA.<br />
26. Mix in a tablespoon of water to scrambled eggs prior to cooking and you will have fluffy, perfect scrambled eggs.<br />
27. Thick pillows hurt my neck.<br />
28. Looking at the stars reminds me how truly insignificant I am in the spectrum of time.<br />
29. Having money doesn't make people happy but not worrying about having money is nice.<br />
30. No matter how much you love what you do, some days it's going to suck and you simply need to deal with it.<br />
31. Not sticking to a fitness routine was a very bad idea.<br />
32. People are like roses- they have the ability to be beautiful and sweet if they are appreciated and thorny and difficult if they aren't.<br />
33. Keep the cards and notes from your grandparents.<br />
34. Learning to sew was a great skill that has come in handy.<br />
35. No one can take away your education- it's a worthwhile investment. It's not about the diploma- it's about what you learned.<br />
36. Becoming involved in government is your civic duty.<br />
37. Have friends of all ages.<br />
38. Not everyone is going to like you and as hard as it seems, you have to be okay with that.<br />
39. If you're going to have a business, it's a lot of work. Ridiculous work. Don't start one unless you are ready to work harder than you ever have.<br />
40. Be kind. That doesn't mean be a pushover- limits are fine- but being an asshole never pays off.<br />
41. Creative arts- music, theater, art- are essential.<br />
42. Hair grows out.<br />
43. Don't ever say "What else could happen?" because you will find out.<br />
44. Having the last word isn't important.<br />
45. Don't miss the moments because you're stuck in your own head.<br />
46. Find the humor in life.<br />
47. Don't put plastic containers on the bottom rack of the dishwasher even if they say it's okay. It's not.<br />
48. Your relationships tend to reflect what you put into them.<br />
49. Real friends will get you through anything.<br />
50. Every night say thank you for the fact that you were giving another day.<br />
<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-27317264178019611532019-12-13T23:00:00.001-08:002019-12-13T23:25:40.496-08:00How Sandy Hook Changed How I Parented ForeverI remember the Sandy Hook shooting like it was yesterday.<br />
<br />
That morning, I was rushing to get the kids ready. <br />
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My son was in 4th grade and hated being late. To a point of almost being neurotic.<br />
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My daughter was in 1st grade and had no concept of time. To a point that it was like herding a cat.<br />
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I had the TV on that morning and I overheard there had been a shooting at school in Danbury. I lived in Danbury very briefly after college- not long enough to have connections, but long enough to know the area.<br />
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Instead of turning it off, like I usually did to keep the "out the door" flow going, I turned it up and realized it was the school near my apartment- I drove by it daily for 2 months.<br />
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I remember thinking it was probably a teacher's angry ex spouse or partner and hoping the kids were okay. As soon as I noticed my kids were watching it, I turned it off and said "C'mon... let's get going..." I didn't want them to worry.<br />
<br />
I don't know if one of the kids went upstairs to get something (we called that the time vacuum--- they would always get distracted and I'd have to retrieve them) or if it was because I had watched the news, but we were running late. My son was in a panic and my daughter was dancing or twirling because she was 6 years old, it was near her birthday and the holidays and why not?<br />
<br />
I got them in the car, survived the mess that is school drop off and shooed them out of the car.<br />
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As I headed to the office- I was a block away- I heard sirens. They were coming from the school area. <br />
<br />
I started to panic.<br />
<br />
What if this was some sort of coordinated attack? <br />
<br />
What if it was something at their school?<br />
<br />
I pulled over to calm down.<br />
<br />
It takes a lot to get me that upset.<br />
<br />
So as I sat on the side of the road the thought that I kept racing in my head over and over was this--<br />
<br />
Had I said "I love you" before I rushed them out of the car?<br />
<br />
Did they know?<br />
<br />
Because all I could remember was being in a hurry and not being my best self. I was upset about what had happened in Danbury, we were late-- and my worry about Danbury and being late made me miss all the good that was there with me in that car.<br />
<br />
My amazing children.<br />
<br />
Would their last memory be of me rushing around that morning too busy to tell them that I love them?<br />
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I got myself pulled together and I drove past the school. Everything was fine.<br />
<br />
There had been a fender bender a block away. <br />
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Nothing to worry about.<br />
<br />
But in that moment I made a commitment to myself- there will never be a day that I do not tell my kids I love them. I will never let a last moment- a drop off to anything, be one of anger.<br />
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If it is, there's a text. "Sorry I was in a bad mood- have fun, I love you."<br />
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And what might surprise you is after 8 years of drills requiring them to hide under desks, my kids always say "I love you" when they leave. They get it.<br />
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That one brief moment as we leave each other has become this sacred moment of "If I never see you again, know that I love you."<br />
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Later that day, we learned what happened at Sandy Hook. I imagined my daughter- the same age as the children who were murdered- sitting in her morning circle, singing songs and starting her day. She is a daily reminder of how lucky I am to have her when the other parents lost their babies. She is nearly 14 and is this amazing, wonderful young woman. Every day has felt like a gift.<br />
<br />
And I think it's because of Sandy Hook. Because of that moment of terror after I dropped them off.<br />
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Because I live with a daily fear that one day, it could be my child.<br />
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The text I got the day my son's high school went on a hard lock down 2 years ago, shook my soul. <br />
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"Mom, we're on hard lock down- I'm under my desk. I didn't want you to worry. I love you. I'm not supposed to be texting."<br />
<br />
Don't worry. I worry every day.<br />
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He was fine. He came home.<br />
<br />
When people comment on the relationship I have with my children- how we talk about everything, how we laugh, how we spend time together, how I stay calm with them-- it's because of what happened at Sandy Hook. It changed me. It changed everything. It made me a better mother.<br />
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I will never take for granted each moment I have been given with them.<br />
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Because I know across the country there are parents who would do anything to have those moments with their children.<br />
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I will not squander my time on silly things that don't matter. <br />
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I will appreciate just being.<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-24377297763116043852019-11-04T23:10:00.000-08:002019-11-04T23:17:07.801-08:00How to Cook a F&%@ing ChickenA Reddit user recently was chastised for asking his neighbor- whose name he did not know- to make him dinner and he would pay her.<br />
<br />
He is 31 and he wasn't sure how old she was- "in her 20s?" He had smelled her cooking and thought well, if she was cooking for herself, why not cook for him, too? I swear, I'm barely paraphrasing this.<br />
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She politely said no. He asked a second time. She said he was being creepy.<br />
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So a Reddit debate began.<br />
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First, he didn't know her. This wasn't a neighbor who fell upon hard times or sickness with whom she had a relationship and was happy to help. Other than "hi" in the hall, they were not friends.<br />
<br />
Second, she said no. Let it drop.<br />
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Third- HE IS 31 YEARS OLD AND CAN'T COOK.<br />
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That's sad on so many levels.<br />
<br />
I get it. Not everyone enjoys cooking. But here's the thing- it's part of adulting. You're going to need to eat. You don't need to be a chef, but basic cooking skills are part of the gig.<br />
<br />
I pride myself on the fact that my kids are decently comfortable in the kitchen. My daughter even asked that I post a picture of her "perfect" fried egg the other day. Yes, my 13 year old can fry an egg. Last night, I taught my 17 year old the trick to making a good steak. He knows how long to grill it to rare/medium rare (5-6 minutes each side for a 1 inch steak- less for a thinner cut). He learned how to put the grill marks on and the steak rub I mix. He will probably only remember the time but it's a start. They can both scramble eggs. They can make chocolate chip cookies. They can peel vegetables. They will survive. <br />
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And I've shown them how to roast a chicken because it's my very favorite thing and ridiculously easy. Way easy. The chicken has the difficult part.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to the story--<br />
<br />
One of my very dearest and closest friends called me for some marital advice. We've been friends since we were 5 years old. We trust each other implicitly. <br />
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He explained some of the issues and I said "Your wife must be exhausted... " they have 2 young kids, she works full time and as much as I love my friend, I'm 100% sure his wife does the bulk of adulting. And I told him this. He didn't disagree. He called me because he wanted to hear the truth. So I shared my opinion a bit, um... passionately? with him.<br />
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I yelled at him. Really loudly.<br />
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I don't normally lose my cool but I really did. <br />
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You see, I suggested that one way he help out his wife was that maybe he could cook dinner every once in awhile- lighten her load... grab an oar and row the boat....<br />
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I even used those words. Very nicely.<br />
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Naw. He can't learn to cook. It's too hard.<br />
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And I said it's not-<br />
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And then he dug in with excuses.<br />
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And I got loud.<br />
<br />
And I said "YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN AND YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU CAN'T COOK A F*&#ING CHICKEN? MY KIDS CAN COOK A F&%@ING CHICKEN."<br />
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We exchanged a few more "pleasantries" and mutually decided it was best that we end the conversation.<br />
<br />
My assistant came in and asked if I was okay. I believe I said something like....<br />
<br />
"WHO CAN'T COOK A F&%$ING CHICKEN?"<br />
<br />
He pointed out that perhaps, from what he heard through the door, I was a bit a harsh.<br />
<br />
"I WAS NOT HARSH. I WAS HONEST."<br />
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And then I explained that I was 100% certain my friend had called me because he knew I wouldn't placate him and yes, perhaps, I had snapped. I said I would cool off and call him later.<br />
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That night, I was telling my husband how I had kinda lost it with this friend and he was cracking up. Again, I rarely lose my cool but when I do, it tends to be epic. And comical. And entertaining to my redheaded husband who is usually the one on the ledge that I'm telling to calm down. <br />
<br />
So as we are lying there I said "And by the way- I have a late meeting tomorrow, can you throw the chicken in the oven so it will be ready when I get home?"<br />
<br />
And he says "Sure- just send me a text with directions."<br />
<br />
Really?!?!? My own husband- my beloved- the zig to my zag- DID NOT KNOW HOW TO COOK A F%$#ING CHICKEN?<br />
<br />
I quietly laid there next to him and texted him the following recipe:<br />
<br />
<i>How to Cook a F@#%ing Chicken<br /><br />1. Take the chicken out of the refrigerator and let it come to room temperature. Don't forget about it or we'll all die of something.<br /><br />2. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. <br /><br />3. Rub the chicken all over with olive oil. This is not a euphemism and get your mind out of the gutter. Rub in salt and pepper.<br /><br />4. Place the chicken breast side down in the blue pan. Do not look for nipples. Chickens do not have nipples. I'm truly concerned for you.<br /><br />5. Cut an onion in half and shove it inside the bird. This keeps the chicken moist. Again, get your mind out of the gutter. <br /><br />6. Cover the wings with foil so they don't burn. Those are the little pointy things. <br /><br />7. Wash some of the little potatoes and throw those in the pan, too. Add some olive oil and salt & pepper.<br /><br />8. Put the chicken in the oven which hopefully you didn't forget to pre-heat.</i><br />
<i><br />9. Set the timer for an hour.<br /><br />10. Use the meat thermometer to check the temperature-stick it in behind the thigh- it should be around 160. Do not ask the chicken to say "Ahhhh." It's a chicken. If it's 90 or 200, order a pizza.<br /><br />11. Assuming you haven't totally screwed it up, take it out of the oven, cover it loosely in foil and let it rest for about 10-15 minutes.<br /><br />Congratulations- you've made a f&%$ing chicken like a grown ass man.</i><br />
<br />Then I hit send.<br /><br />
He started cracking up immediately.<br />
<br />
This is when our family started referring to our roasted chicken dinner as F^%$ing Chicken. I'm not winning any parenting awards, but the kids laughed pretty hard. Some people have Elf on the Shelf as their family tradition- my family now has F&%$ing Chicken as ours.<br />
<br />
And as for my friend... his sister texted me and said she about fell over when he asked her for a cookbook for Christmas last year.<br />
<br />
And our friendship... I posted a picture of lasagna I had made on Facebook and he replied "You should see my lasagna-- and it taste delicious." We're good.<br />
<br />
And his marriage... apparently, it's going even better than his cooking. <br />
<br />
Because taking care of people you love- whether it's making a meal or simply taking some of the load for them-- or hearing them when they say "Take an oar, I'm drowning"- is really what it's about. It feels good. It says thank you.<br />
<br />
And to the 31 year old guy who can't cook- you owe it to yourself to learn. To take care of yourself. Because it's really hard to care for others if you don't know how to care of yourself. That girlfriend that you hope to have one day per your comments- she's probably going to want a functioning adult partner. At least the good ones do. <br />
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In short, sometimes, you need to be a grown up and learn to make the f&^@ing chicken.<br />
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It's really not that hard.<br />
<br />
I promise.<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-75337743448160541552019-04-07T14:22:00.002-07:002019-04-07T21:15:46.251-07:00When Joe Biden Grabbed MeI run on the outside of political circles. <br />
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It's actually a great place to be. <br />
<br />
Rather than meet politicians in their official donor wooing mode, all charming and baby kissing, I get to see them when no one is looking. I get to see how they treat people who aren't making donations. Or, because I'm active in the community, I get to know them before they are big names.<br />
<br />
It can be eye opening.<br />
<br />
During the 2016 elections, we were fairly involved. And because I have friends on the inside of the circle, I get to meet a lot of people. In that circle, they are always charming and kind.<br />
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On the outside of the circle, some, not so much.<br />
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When my friend who is an activist told me to be sure I showed up at the Clinton election office, I said "Is Joe going to be there?" She said it was going to be a surprise for the canvassers and not to tell anyone.<br />
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I picked up some donuts, granola bars and water for the canvassers and "happened" to show up when she said.<br />
<br />
Secret Service hadn't arrived yet.<br />
<br />
My very dear friend who I will call Liza also showed up. She had her 10 year old granddaughter with her who I will call Anna. She had custody of Anna because her daughter had passed away the year before. Anna's father wasn't able to care for her at the time, and Liza and her husband were her guardians.<br />
<br />
Our family had gotten to know Anna over the year and we brought her into our clan- The Bean Team- during a holiday party when we were playing in a party game tournament and we all realized she was a viciously competitive as our family. She is a feisty, smart young girl and we love her.<br />
<br />
She was having a bad day. It was just past the year anniversary of her mother's death- from cancer, a long, painful battle- and the social worker at her school had made a comment the day before about how she might not be able to stay with her grandparents because of some technicality. It was an offhanded comment not meant to upset her, but it did. <br />
<br />
That morning she didn't want to leave my friend, her grandmother's side. So Liza brought to the event.<br />
<br />
She was the only kid during the school day there.<br />
<br />
She picked out her favorite donut and we all talked in the back during the training session for the canvassers.<br />
<br />
Then, the Secret Service came in the room and let everyone know what was really going on. They had been invited there because the Vice President of the United States would be speaking.<br />
<br />
The crowd of about 100 got really excited. <br />
<br />
We told Anna to go grab a seat so she could have a better view.<br />
<br />
The Secret Service was VERY clear, if you were next to the VP, you could
not take a selfie. They also said that Biden tended to get off
schedule, they had a very busy day so please, don't delay him.<br />
<br />
They were not warm and friendly. They were serious. They wanted to stay on task. <br />
<br />
Liza went to the side of the room to see our friend's newborn baby. I stood in the back of the room, letting the canvassers have the good seats. <br />
<br />
Biden got up on the stage and gave a phenomenal speech. He was energetic. He was hopeful. He was gregarious. During the speech he started to talk about the vulgarity of the debates and stopped himself when he saw Anna in the room.<br />
<br />
"See? We can't even talk about what Trump said because there's a child in the room!"<br />
<br />
Anna immediately replied, "That's okay- I can't stand him."<br />
<br />
And the crowd laughed, including Biden. <br />
<br />
After about 30 minutes (?) of positive, energizing comments, he hopped off the stage and went around the room to pose for pictures and meet the canvassers. <br />
<br />
Biden IMMEDIATELY went over to my friend with the baby and it was adorable. (We had teased her and said she brought the baby to lure in the politician for the photoshoot and she said "Darn right, I did!" )<br />
<br />
I stayed in the back because I'm not all about the schmoozing. I was happy to hear his speech.<br />
<br />
Then, he said:<br />
<br />
"Hey, let's do a group selfie--- let me get to the back and you all crowd up in the front."<br />
<br />
And about 10 seconds later, there I was- the woman in the back of the room, avoiding everyone, standing next to the Vice President of the United States.<br />
<br />
And then it happened.<br />
<br />
He grabbed me. He put his arm around me as if we were war buddies reunited 20 years later.<br />
<br />
I'm sure the look on my face if anyone had snapped a picture at that moment would have been "WTF?"<br />
<br />
It's not because it was sexual. It's because it was sudden. It was unexpected. It was firm. And I'm not a huggy touchy person.<br />
<br />
He looked at me and with this big giant smile, I immediately relaxed- and then he said /yelled "Hey- let's get a future President in the picture" and he called Anna over.<br />
<br />
My friend Liza, from across the room said "Hold on-- wait for Grandma!!" and ran across the room in her heels. It was hilarious. <br />
<br />
Biden's arm was still around me and I have to say, I went from"WTF" to "Holy crap, the Vice President is standing next to me as if we are the best of friends... "<br />
<br />
He put his arm around Liza as well.<br />
<br />
We snapped the picture. <br />
<br />
The Secret Service was trying to get him out the door.<br />
<br />
Liza turned to him and said "Thank you for making what started as a terrible day, a wonderful day for my granddaughter. My daughter lost her battle with cancer about a year ago and it was one of those bad days for us..."<br />
<br />
Then, what happened next, what I got to witness, was the single most impressive action I've ever seen from a politician in my lifetime.<br />
<br />
Despite the Secret Service motioning him to go, Biden got down on his knee and starting talking with Anna. Everything stopped. <br />
<br />
The only people who could hear or see him were me, the Secret Service agent (who had that "Here we go again" look on his face), Liza and our other friend I'll call Donna.<br />
<br />
He started to talk with her about how hard it was on his son when his wife and children were killed in the car crash. How he never forgot the pain, but they got through it. How she would get through it and never forget it either. How lucky she was to have a grandma that loved her so much. And Anna, usually tough as nails, started crying. And all us of, except the Secret Service agent, started crying- ugly snot crying-- and he hugged Anna and held her, told her she would be okay and let her cry. Then he stood up, with tears in his eyes, looked at Liza and told her that losing his son was the hardest thing, how awful cancer was, and he knew how she felt. And they cried and they hugged.<br />
<br />
And then Anna looked up at him and said "It's okay- you're going to be all right" - and that was it- full flood gates were opened-- snot was flowing and the Secret Service ushered him out the door as he wiped his eyes.<br />
<br />
No one else saw it. <br />
<br />
It was not for a public viewing. It was private. It was real. It wasn't a photo op (although I did take pictures in between the sniffles). <br />
<br />
It was a man who has met with world leaders, who was in line for the presidency, who took 10 minutes of his very busy schedule to console a little girl he had just met who was mourning the loss of her mother.<br />
<br />
So yes, Joe Biden grabbed me. Not just by the shoulder. He grabbed my soul. <br />
<br />
He exuded a kindness that I haven't seen in many people. <br />
<br />
Especially in local political circles where if there isn't a camera present, a very different person shows up.<br />
<br />
And I'll leave that last comment there for the locals who know exactly what I mean.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
***********************************************<br />
As for personal space issues, that's an entirely different conversation that I've blogged on before. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-61020864017062175222019-02-21T20:44:00.000-08:002019-02-21T21:59:42.183-08:00The Assholes Among UsI'm tired of people being assholes.<br />
<br />
Truly.<br />
<br />
So, so tired of it.<br />
<br />
Of dressing others down.<br />
<br />
Of insulting, humiliating, degrading others.<br />
<br />
I'm done.<br />
<br />
This week really was my tipping point. I'm blaming a mixture of the full moon and PMS.<br />
<br />
On Saturday night, my husband and I went out to dinner and to listen to a friend of his who plays in a jazz combo. It had been awhile since we'd had the opportunity for just the two of us to go out. Valentine's Day had passed, we've both been busy with work and kids' activities, we needed a night to listen to some great music at one of our favorite Italian restaurants.<br />
<br />
He made reservations for 6:30.<br />
<br />
We pulled in at 6:20 and the place was packed. In fact, we knew about a third of the people there- all friends with the band. My husband went up, gave them our name and we chatted with some friends in the crowded waiting area and listened to some good music while we waited.<br />
<br />
I remember those nights when I waited tables and it was so incredibly busy you didn't have time to pee. The wait staff was flying all over the place. The owner was bussing a table or two, bringing drinks- as a small business owner myself it made me happy. I am so sick of chain restaurants destroying our fantastic local restaurants. This place was buzzing and alive.<br />
<br />
And then in walks Mr. Dickwad.<br />
<br />
Older gentleman in a sport coat. <br />
<br />
I didn't originally think he was a dickwad. At first I thought he was classy and I wished my husband had worn a sport coat- of course, that would require that he own one but whatever...<br />
<br />
Then the sport coat opened his mouth.<br />
<br />
The owner was hosting. A woman who was holding flowers and with the sport coat man, approached and he wrote down their name.<br />
<br />
Well, Mr. Dickwad didn't trust her so he approached.<br />
<br />
"We have a reservation."<br />
<br />
"Yes, I know- I put your name right here." The owner smiled.<br />
<br />
"I see that you wrote it down, but we have a reservation."<br />
<br />
"Yes- I have it right here-'<br />
<br />
"But it was for 6:30!" Mr. Dickwad demanded!<br />
<br />
The owner- who is a great guy (evidenced by his bussing and water pouring, helping his staff and having hung out with me one time during lunch when my friend and I were asking about a special and it turned into him joining us)- said incredulously---<br />
<br />
"It's 6:34."<br />
<br />
"It IS!" Mr. Dickwad seemed to think this made his point.<br />
<br />
The rest of us were all rolling our eyes. Because it's FOUR MINUTES.<br />
<br />
And the guy begins to berate the owner about how they must not really take reservations and on and on and I had enough.<br />
<br />
This was my night out with my husband to be an adult. A grown up date with music, wine and making goo goo eyes at each other (don't throw up).<br />
<br />
And I turned...<br />
<br />
This is when I could see my husband go whiter than he already is. He knew what was next- I was going to go what we refer to as "full pit bull."<br />
<br />
And while I wanted to say "Listen asshole, you're embarrassing your wife, this is the OWNER and what the hell do you want him to do? Kick out someone while they're eating? Throw their food on the floor? Shut the hell up and wait your damn turn with the rest of us."<br />
<br />
But I didn't.<br />
<br />
Because it's a nice place and I love my husband and if I'm going to start taking on assholes, I'm going to take the high road.<br />
<br />
"Sir, we all have reservations. All of us." I motioned to the entire waiting area who was nodding in agreement. I was firm. I was not rude.<br />
<br />
He backed off.<br />
<br />
And then the 2 couples next us snickered. The young couple said "Our reservations were for 6:15 actually... but I think we'll live...."<br />
<br />
The other couple said "Nice job." <br />
<br />
And then I said "Well, his Viagara is probably going to wear off soon- maybe he's in a time crunch..."<br />
<br />
So don't anoint me with sainthood. I still need to work on my kinder, nicer approach.<br />
<br />
And my husband looked at me and said "I'm sure the owner was fine. He's probably used to it."<br />
<br />
He probably is.<br />
<br />
Because screaming at people is the new norm. <br />
<br />
But it bothered me. My kids were not known for having temper tantrums (they did but rarely). The reason they didn't have them is because they didn't work. I didn't tolerate them. You have a temper tantrum, you get nothing. I can wait it out. Ask my mother in law. My daughter and I sat outside a restaurant in January in a stare down because she would not behave. No one else in the restaurant needed their dinner disrupted by my 3 year old. I can get mine to go. The other people don't need to pay the price.<br />
<br />
And I certainly did not want my date disrupted by a 70 year old man having a temper tantrum.<br />
<br />
No.<br />
<br />
When the owner was seating us (before The Dickwads, who were still waiting), he apologized because it was a small table in the back. We aren't small people. I said "Well, if it's a really shitty table, give it to that guy." He laughed and said "Thank you- that guy's a fucking asshole." Our table turned out to be fine- nice and quiet in the corner so we could make ample goo goo eyes.<br />
<br />
It did matter that I had said something because I've seen people like Mr. Dickwad and they don't back down. The owner didn't deserve that. Good customer service doesn't mean letting someone treat you like crap.<br />
<br />
I didn't get in Mr. Dickwad's face- I didn't call him names. Had he said something back... who knows, but more than likely I would have rolled my eyes.<br />
<br />
But he didn't because my guess is, he's gotten away with this for a long time and no one has ever said anything.<br />
<br />
And I'm just done watching people do this. <br />
<br />
To anyone.<br />
<br />
The cashiers at Target. Or the waiter at the restaurant. Or the teacher at your kid's school. Or the receptionist at the doctor's office.<br />
<br />
People make mistakes. They don't do it on purpose. If a grade goes in wrong or I'm handed the wrong change, there is no reason for me to dress someone down as if they caused the collapse of the universe. <br />
<br />
People don't sit around thinking "Wow, how can I screw this up and ruin Mr. Dickwad's day?"<br />
<br />
They don't.<br />
<br />
Restaurants get busy. It means they are good. Wait your turn or leave. We have a LOT of restaurants in Las Vegas.<br />
<br />
Teachers have a lot of students. As long as a wrong grade gets corrected before the end of the term, who cares?<br />
<br />
But nasty gram emails and phone messages and "letting people know what you really think"- <br />
<br />
Here's a heads up to all the Mr. Dickwad's- what they think is that you're an asshole. The waiter is probably spitting in your food. The cashier is probably going to go extra slow with the person in front of your next time, so you go to another lane. The receptionist at the doctor's office is never going to squeeze you in. <br />
<br />
So the next time you feel like giving someone a piece of your mind- don't. You need it.<br />
<br />
And if you see someone berating another person for no other reason than they want to feel big by making the other person feel small, say something. Something polite. Something kind. <br />
<br />
We have to stop bullying in the adult world.<br />
<br />
Kids will be kids.<br />
<br />
Grown ass men in sports coats know better. <br />
<br />
For all I know, maybe they were celebrating his wife's 5 year cancer free anniversary. Or their 50th wedding anniversary. Or maybe it was a first date (and hopefully the last because she needs to run). Maybe he was having surgery on Monday. I don't know.<br />
<br />
I do know that he had no right to speak to someone as if they were less than.<br />
<br />
No one does.<br />
<br />
Maybe if we all start acting a little kinder and start looking out for one another, it'll catch on.<br />
<br />
Be kind. Stand up.<br />
<br />
It makes a small ripple in a big pond.Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-10344514324234908622018-08-23T20:33:00.002-07:002018-08-24T09:24:10.699-07:00Well, I Certainly Didn't Expect THAT to Happen...Who knew that getting cut off AGAIN in the parking lot would inspire a blog that 70,000 people would read?<br />
<br />
My biggest blog before this was over 3,000 on when the principal took the crayons out of my daughter's 1st grade classroom because coloring was not part of the Core Curriculum. That got me a call from a Crayola executive. She was on vacation in Italy and was horrified. <br />
<br />
But this... who knew?<br />
<br />
I got an enormous amount of feedback from people- overwhelmingly positive.<br />
<br />
I did want to address some of the issues, however, that were brought up.<br />
<br />
First, I do not in any circumstance think that schools are overfunded. I thought that was fairly clear when I pointed out that we have the lowest per pupil funding in the country.<br />
<br />
I do think money is mismanaged, the budgeting process is archaic and the funding formula in need of a major do over.<br />
<br />
I should clarify that this is my opinion. Which I did in my initial post:<br />
<br />
<div class="_5pbx userContent _3576" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="js_5r3">
<i>So I have some opinions that no one wants to address when discussing the biggest issue CCSD faces...</i><br />
<i> Disclosure: These are simply MY opinions. It's not based on anything other than my thoughts. It's what blogs are about. </i>Of course, that part DIDN'T go viral. But again, I didn't know...I would have included it in the actual blog...<br />
<br />
Second, I'm not sorry if my assessment of SOME parents was mean.<br />
<br />
I'm not.<br />
<br />
I didn't say I was perfect. I even said I'd met a LOT of fantastic parents. <br />
<br />
But hey, if you're the parent that's constantly pulling into the Do Not Enter entrance during drop off, I hope you were a little offended. I mean it. Please stop doing it. It's dangerous.<br />
<br />
The sign is there for a reason. Follow the rules.<br />
<br />
And I should be upfront, I DO say something to people. To their faces. I have asked people who are talking during concerts to please be quiet so I can hear.<br />
<br />
And I say it nicely.<br />
<br />
And well, you can guess how that goes.<br />
<br />
People think I'm far more flexible than I am based on what they tell me to do to myself.<br />
<br />
If you're my friend and you start going on and on about how a teacher sucks and I don't think so, I can assure you already know that I will stop you and tell you why I back the teacher if I do. Or if I think the issue is your kid.... I'm not exactly shy about it. I'm polite, but I do speak up. <br />
<br />
I blow my horn at U-Turners. They think I'm #1!<br />
<br />
But I have to say, I was a little surprised how defensive some parents could be.<br />
<br />
My favorite part was to stumble onto some online boards where they were trashing me about trashing people online (gotta love the irony). I don't remember saying anything about specific people.... I do think a lot of people saw themselves in the blog and took offense.<br />
<br />
I get it, as parents, we screw up.<br />
<br />
But the whole flipping point of the blog was I like CCtSD and I'm tired of people trashing them. Especially the people who have no idea what they are talking about. I think in spite of the ridiculous obstacles they are forced to overcome, my kids are having not just a good experience, but a GREAT experience.<br />
<br />
My friend moved here from NY 2 years ago and asked me my honest opinion before she moved. I said there are issues but if you're engaged and stay engaged, there are some exciting programs. For elementary schools, it's hit or miss. I wish that wasn't the case, but it's true. I also told her the district was fairly flexible about moving schools. They moved and her kids are in a fantastic elementary school. When her mother, a retired principal visited and volunteered at the school, she was amazed at the GATE program and the school over all. I know she came in with doubts-- she was honestly impressed. My mom, a retired teacher, spent time volunteering in my kids' kindergarten classroom (the one with the alleged 'lazy' teacher-- who is one of the most amazing teachers ever). She told me that she only wished her school had had the staff. The teacher was the type of teacher she had dreamed of being.<br />
<br />
Both of those compliments are huge from people who know.<br />
<br />
And like I said, we've had a not wonderful experience here and there.<br />
<br />
But overall, we're good.<br />
<br />
I've stepped up to participate in the business community partnership program for more than 20 years.<br />
<br />
I participated in the community program to update the sex education curriculum. If you remember that, it completely blew up for the district because a couple of people didn't understand the materials, distributed materials-- against the agreement we had signed- and the rumors started that CCSD wanted to teach kindergartners about masturbating.<br />
<br />
(Which OBVIOUSLY any non-moron knows they weren't. If you're a pre-school/early education teacher, you know that sometimes little kids like to touch themselves in public. Not all. But some. My mom had a little girl in her classthat let's just say had an issue with that. So it happens. <br />
<br />
The bullet point was to start, early, about appropriate and inappropriate self-touch. As in, it is not appropriate to adjust or touch your personal areas in public.<br />
<br />
Crazy talk, right?)<br />
<br />
So I'm not simply some silly mom going off on other parents. <br />
<br />
I've been fighting the fight to make things better for a loooong time- well before I even had kids.<br />
<br />
Really. I have.<br />
<br />
Which is why the sudden popularity of this blog surprised me.<br />
<br />
I honestly did not realize I was the only person in the room who was willing to just say it.<br />
<br />
But the best part, by far, was seeing the teachers, administrators and support staff, take a deep sigh and and say "Thank you-- I thought it was just me."<br />
<br />
I feel like my little blog gave them an opportunity to join together and know it's not all them- because society has suddenly started making educators the enemy and I just don't get it.<br />
<br />
The educator I'm married to is sitting next to me writing lessons plans and a study guide.<br />
<br />
He's not the enemy.<br />
<br />
My kids are busy studying and working on school projects that are thoughtful and helping them learn.<br />
<br />
Last night we had a band parent meeting and I was in a room full of parents excited to help (and I was the one who was late and texted friends to buy the fundraiser coupon book during the meeting). <br />
<br />
I saw the kids working together learning skills that will follow them off the band field for life.<br />
<br />
Maybe CCSD doesn't rank at the top of any list, but to me and my family, it's been pretty fantastic.<br />
<br />
THAT'S what I wanted to say.<br />
<br />
Oh -and-<br />
<br />
STOP DOING U-TURNS IN SCHOOL ZONES.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<i></i></div>
Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-45078415903402262192018-08-17T17:10:00.001-07:002018-08-18T22:24:46.943-07:00What's Wrong with Clark County SchoolsLast night we had our daughter's open house at her middle school. This morning I dropped my son off at the bus hub for high school.<br />
<br />
Both experiences reinforced my views that I had shared with a friend earlier in the week on what is wrong with the Clark County (NV) School District.<br />
<br />
My friend is in a position of influence and was genuinely interested in what I thought as a parent of a CCSD students, spouse of a teacher and a long time volunteer with the district.<br />
<br />
I said very simply I thought there were three main issues:<br />
<br />
1) Poor fiscal management at the top. <br />
2) Classroom size is ridiculous.<br />
3) You can't fix stupid.<br />
<br />
The first one has to do with the district's assertion that there is a $68 million shortage- as if they did not receive every penny of funding they requested-- and then some. Then they try to blame the teacher pay raises, which they agreed to in negotiations and an arbitrator reinforced. Since my background is in labor relations, I am baffled that EVERY SINGLE YEAR there is an issue with them actually paying out the raises that they agreed to in collective bargaining. Every year there is a lawsuit. Every year, the district loses. Then they blame the teachers for the shortage. Or the legislature. <br />
<br />
The truth is, they have consistently mismanaged funds and they cannot seem to keep a CFO. I don't think people are stealing money or anything like that. I think the state's funding methods are odd and not working. I think the district needs to review how they allocate funds and how they then manage those budgets. I think they need to honor the contracts they negotiate.<br />
<br />
This constant year to year "crisis" is getting old We have not been in a recession for nearly a decade. We have the lowest funding per pupil in the country.<br />
<br />
Get it together. It's your job. <br />
<br />
The second one is baffling. My daughter's 7th grade accelerated history class has 41 students. Elementary classes are routinely over 35 students. When my husband taught high school, one year he didn't have enough desks or textbooks if everyone showed up. That's what happens when you have 60+ students assigned to your class.<br />
<br />
I don't think it takes a PhD in education to determine that a high teacher:pupil ratio is bad. It's why US News and World Reports uses it as a ranking criteria in colleges. You don't see private schools bragging on their brochures about crowded classrooms. But according to CCSD, classroom size is not important.<br />
<br />
Well, if you shove an extra 10 kids into each class, for every 3 teachers, you save 1 therefore reducing labor costs by 25%-- that's their logic.<br />
<br />
Or, MAYBE, you could make an accurate budget and request the appropriate funding so that class size stayed under 30 for elementary and at 30-35 for middle and high school.<br />
<br />
Because then teachers wouldn't have 200 students and 400+ parents to manage.<br />
<br />
Then the teachers wouldn't quit or walk out. Or more importantly, that might allow the teachers to, I don't know... what's the word... teach?<br />
<br />
If you essentially have a full schedule with 40 kids per class, how on earth are you supposed to be able to grade projects and papers? It forces teachers to resort to worksheets and "bubble" testing- less thinking required from the students. It becomes more about memorization and less about education.<br />
<br />
There will always be great teachers who manage. But the giant classroom sizes really impacts the average teacher-- they COULD be great, but they can't if they spend their day on classroom management.<br />
<br />
Every teacher I've spoken with says they'd be far more happier with smaller classes than a significant pay raise. They'd be happy with simple cost of living adjustments if they weren't being forced to manage classrooms that are out of control. In fact, reducing classroom sizes by 20% is a pay raise- since they are buying supplies and working more hours to keep up.<br />
<br />
But this last one- you can't fix stupid-- that's what is the biggest issue facing the district in my opinion.<br />
<br />
Because there are a LOT of great things about the district. International award winning robotics programs. Top notch vocational schools. A performing arts school that is extraordinary and has produced successful alumni too numerous to list. Nationally ranked varsity quiz. <br />
<br />
My son's high school had TWENTY THREE national merit scholars last year. <br />
<br />
Not bad for the worst school district in the country. And that was one high school out of more than 20 in the district.<br />
<br />
The problem with the low test scores (and why on earth every kid is forced to take the ACT, I have no clue) is that Las Vegas is the dumbest major city in the US.<br />
<br />
We are.<br />
<br />
I LOVE my city. I don't think everyone is dumb, but on a quantifiable scale- which is how we rate schools- we have the lowest high school graduation rates and the lowest college education rates out of any major city.<br />
<br />
We ain't the smartest population.<br />
<br />
Last night at open house, my daughter's teachers were amazing. They are dedicated. They are passionate. They are well spoken. They are organized. They are intelligent.<br />
<br />
There was not ONE bad teacher in the mix.<br />
<br />
My son went to the same middle school and he had one mediocre teacher the entire time.<br />
<br />
These people are crazy good educators. Thumbs up to the principal, too. He brings them in, gives them a positive work environment and lets them teach. He is constantly sharpening the saw and trying to improve things. <br />
<br />
So great teacher, great principal, great facilities--<br />
<br />
But the parents. Now most of them that were at Open House are on it. <br />
<br />
Go to a concert. Parents talking. Parents texting. People just getting up and leaving during concerts- completely unconcerned about those around them.<br />
<br />
The parking lot is the biggest tell tale.<br />
<br />
Those no U Turn signs apparently don't apply. Let alone the speed limit signs. Or the crosswalk.<br />
<br />
The Do Not Enter - Exit Only? Well, only losers like me bother to follow those rules.<br />
<br />
My son stopped riding his bicycle to school after almost getting hit 3 days in a row from people doing U turns.<br />
<br />
This morning dropping off my son, a woman tried to U turn into a parking spot. Another parent coming the other way, unaware that this was her intent (because who tries to pull into a spot from the opposite direction) pulled into the spot. Rather than stopping the turn, she continued it, blocking the entire street both ways. People were trying to get their kids to the bus.<br />
<br />
Turn signals are optional, too.<br />
<br />
So when you are working with stupid parents who have no regard for simple rules- what exactly is the school district supposed to do?<br />
<br />
Seriously.<br />
<br />
Please, explain to me.<br />
<br />
When my daughter was in kindergarten, we were on the playground before school and talking about the "homework" they get. The teacher gave us a packet every Monday with 5 worksheets to review with our child every night and turn in on Friday. Some were simple projects like "Count 10 objects"- nothing crazy. It was about 10 minutes every day as a review of what she was covering in the classroom. It wasn't even graded-- the kids got a sticker for turning it in.<br />
<br />
One mother commented that she hadn't understood a page and I was explaining what we had done. Another mom chimed in and said "I don't do any of that bullshit with my kid. They should be doing everything in class. I don't have time for that. It's not my job to teach my kid. That's hers."<br />
<br />
I'm not kidding. <br />
<br />
And another parent standing there agreed.<br />
<br />
Stupid homework. Who does that?<br />
<br />
Um....<br />
<br />
As a parent, it absolutely IS my job to teach my kid. <br />
<br />
As a parent, it absolutely IS my job to support the teacher.<br />
<br />
Time and time again I hear that-- all this bullshit they want parents to do... who has time for that crap... lazy teachers...<br />
<br />
You can't fix that.<br />
<br />
"I don't have time to read to my kid every night. I'm tired."<br />
<br />
Well, suck it up, Buttercup, pull out a book and read a story to your kid every single night before bed. It helps them learn language. It bonds you. It's your job. <br />
<br />
And if you're working late or too tired, do it in the morning.<br />
<br />
You've got 15 minutes.<br />
<br />
You do.<br />
<br />
This isn't a rich person vs. poor person thing either. I know wealthy families that treat their kids like accessory items and don't spend a minute with them. I know poor families that are all about school and doing what the teacher says. My husband taught in an at-risk school for years and said some of the poorest parents were the hardest on the kids "What do you mean you talked back to Mr. Bean?" He said he had to be careful about conferences because either the parents didn't care or they cared too much and about smacked the kid in the conference! <br />
<br />
But you can't make a parent parent.<br />
<br />
You can't fix a kid who thinks learning and rules and all the things that make society function "is dumb." <br />
<br />
I cringe when people talk about how they don't need math. They have a calculator.<br />
<br />
This is how people get ripped off. You do need to understand math.<br />
<br />
So I sat there and told my friend that CCSD's biggest issue is the fact that they are dealing with a populace that doesn't value education or see it as a need.<br />
<br />
And it seems to be getting worse.<br />
<br />
There is no way to combat it. You don't take on Mom and Dad who think learning a second language is a waste of time (it's not.) Or that the Bill of Rights is liberal propaganda. (it's the Bill of Rights) Or that geometry is useless (which explains their inability to park). Or that a No U Turn sign doesn't apply to them (because that's just wrong.)<br />
<br />
THAT is the biggest issue facing the district.<br />
<br />
I don't think parents are any dumber or smarter than when I was a kid. I don't. The morons were around then, too. <br />
<br />
In Las Vegas, we statistically have a fairly large percentage of morons. It's a city of second chances. It's also one of the things I love about it here-- anyone willing to work can get a break. <br />
<br />
So asking a district to make educating children of people who place very little value ON education as a whole (again, based on statistics)-- I'm not sure how you are supposed to do it.<br />
<br />
I know cramming 40+ in a classroom isn't helping and not every teacher is great-- but you can't teach someone who is unwilling to learn.<br />
<br />
I think the magnets schools offer an out to those families who do place importance on education. It's unfortunate that not every student gets in.<br />
<br />
I wish I knew how to fix this. <br />
<br />
The school district is far from perfect-- as is any district- but I get so tired of them getting blamed for being terrible. There are some great teachers, great parents and most importantly great students here. I know this. I've met them. They are just as smart as any kid from a private school. My son will graduate having taken Calculus III. In order for my daughter to get into the arts academy, she will have to put together a professional portfolio. A real one.<br />
<br />
It's not all bad. In fact, there is far more that's good.<br />
<br />
But when parents don't make education a priority, you can't expect the school to fix it. They are already trying to feed the kids, dress the kids and in their spare time, teach them. <br />
<br />
There's only so many hours in the day.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>AFTER I POSTED THIS, THE NEWS RAN THE FOLLOWING STORY... SO IT'S NOT JUST IN MY IMAGINATION.... </i><br />
<i><a href="https://www.lasvegasnow.com/news/ccsd-fine-arts-program-leads-the-nation/1379499412" target="_blank">CCSD Fine Arts Program Leader</a></i><br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-568465651935684632018-08-05T13:31:00.000-07:002018-08-05T14:00:07.215-07:00Advice to recent high school grads....This may seem a little late, but I remember the summer after high school graduation-- it was fun. Your last fling with your high school friends. Party after party celebrating yourselves-- you made it through. Now life begins.<br />
<br />
This is when you really need advice-- adulthood closing in around you. You're either leaving or everyone around you is.<br />
<br />
Here's the only advice you need.<br />
<br />
<b>Be you.</b><br />
<br />
That's it.<br />
<br />
Just be you. You might not think you know who this "you" is -- adults LOVE to tell teenagers how much they don't know.<br />
<br />
But you do.<br />
<br />
You know you.<br />
<br />
You know if you like mushrooms on pizza or not. You know right from wrong.<br />
<br />
You do. <br />
<br />
You don't know a lot about "stuff"- the importance of paying bills and the mundane aspects of life. You probably haven't traveled much. You probably haven't ventured much outside your faith or any faith. You probably haven't kissed too many people- or any.<br />
<br />
That's all "stuff." It will help shape you and it's important.<br />
<br />
But you do know you.<br />
<br />
You know if you'd rather spend the night reading a book or raging at a party. You know if you like to do both. <br />
<br />
Parents and adults are AWESOME at giving useless advice based on their bad choices. <br />
<br />
Here are some of the worst pieces of advice I've heard- and all of them coming from a place of love.<br />
<br />
<b>Go to College or You'll Never Go</b><br />
Total and complete bs.<br />
<br />
"Skip years" are a thing now. I took one. I applied to college, deferred admission and spent a year as an exchange student in Ecuador. Life changer.<br />
<br />
I know that if I had gone to college right after high school, I would have burned out and probably dropped out. I took a semester off as it was. I have a number of friends who never went back after burning out.<br />
<br />
Some people go straight to college and nail it. I think having an education is priceless. If you're that person, go for it. But if you're ambivalent, that's okay. You know you. Have a plan, though. Parents like plans.<br />
<br />
I don't think "college" is for everyone. I also think that some students- especially people like myself who were focused on grades, work, etc.- need a break from academia.<br />
<br />
I had a plan to make sure I returned. And I remember when I almost took a turn off that plan and my boss at the bar where I worked told me in a profanity laced, grossly impactful tirade to get my happy ass to Cornell and get the hell out of there. There was more to the tirade and I remember it almost verbatim, but thank you, Shirley. I owe you. <br />
<br />
There's a difference between being scared- even after I spent a year in a country where I didn't speak the language I was still terrified the day my dad dropped me off at college-- but if your gut is saying "Hey, I have no idea what I want to do..." then see if you can stay at home, work in a field that you're interested in working for a career-- maybe take a class or two online or at a regional school- or if you can't get a paying job in the field, find a paying job and do a free internship. <br />
<br />
This is the time in your life to try things.<br />
<br />
You're 18. You're not supposed to. know what you want to spend your life doing.<br />
<b><br />If You Go to College, Study a Field with Career Options</b><br />
This one drives me nuts.<br />
<br />
Go to college to get an education. To learn to think. To learn to learn. To study things that broaden your mind and show you the world. <br />
<br />
Don't study accounting because it offers a good career. Study accounting because you enjoy it. You think that's not real? I LOVED my accounting classes. I only had to take 1 in college- I took 3. We exist. I loved how everything balanced out. It's like art to me.<br />
<br />
Don't let anyone tell you you won't be able to get a job out of college. If you're looking for a job, go to a tech school. I don't mean that as a slam to tech schools, either-- they are great for training you to do a specific job. If you know what you want to do, it's a fantastic choice. There's a shortage of tradespeople as well- plumbing, electrical work, welding- they pay extremely well. If you want a good job that's a far better choice than a degree in "business" which will get you nothing. <br />
<br />
Also, newsflash- very few people work in the fields that they study. Obviously, if you want to go to medical school, you need to take certain courses. But I know art history majors who manage investment portfolios or are political activists. Graduate school is when you narrow it down. But undergrad? Study everything. Learn as much as you can. Meet people. It's all part of the process.<br />
<br />
I know so many people that are in careers that they hate because they checked a box at 17 when they applied to college. <br /><br />Plus, most of the jobs you'll be doing don't even exist yet. Learn to think and you can do anything.<br />
<br />
Again, be you. <br />
<b><br />These are the Best Days of your Life</b><br />
Total crap. <br />
<br />
I remember sitting at my graduation- beautiful day- and speaker after speaker talked about how these memories are our best ones... the great times we had... <br />
<br />
And I thought "I hope this isn't the best it gets because I'm screwed..."<br />
<br />
I hope you enjoyed high school. For some people, they did peak. But once you leave that building anything that you were is the past and you have a blank slate for the rest of your life. It's why graduation is called commencement- it's the beginning, not an end.<br />
<br />
I drove to the Quiki-Mart after graduation, got a slushie and went home. I went to a few, not many graduation parties, hung out with my boyfriend and worked over the summer. I have stayed in touch with quite a few people from high school, but honestly, only a handful know anything about my real life-- and they aren't the ones I thought I'd stay in touch with. Most of them became close friends after high school. Except my friend Marvin. We've been close since kindergarten and if I ever ran for public office, I'd have to pay him off because of that... <br />
<br />
My life got infinitely better after graduation. I met people from all over the world. I saw new places. I tried new things. I owned my life. It's empowering, scary and consequential. But it's my own unique path. I'm not someone's child or some box that someone put me in because I had a certain test score in 2nd grade. No one cares about who you were- they care about who you are. <br />
<br />
I enjoyed high school. I joke that I stayed in touch with my teachers more than people from my class, but I have no animosity or hang ups about it. I even got crap about it from my friends in college "Wait- you LIKED high school??" I did. But it was Chapter 1 in what I hope is a long a novel. I picked up some good tools and had a good foundation, but it's a part, not the entirety of me.<br />
<br />
Now you get to be the real you. And it's really cool.<br />
<br />
<b>The Choices You Make Now Will Impact your Life</b><br />
Tattoos, committing felonies and having kids, yes. The rest.. meh. Even a failed marriage can be overcome. Bad credit only lasts7 years. <br />
<br />
This is the best time to screw up big. Because you ALWAYS have time for a do over. Try a career you want. It's not like there's a time line or a finish line you have to reach. You want to write? Write. You want to be in a rock band? Go for it. It's a lot easier now than when you're 35 with kids and a mortgage.<br />
<br />
You hate your job? Find another one. You don't need to stay 2 years to prove anything. You never get those 2 years back. <br />
<br />
I had a friend say she thought it was cool that I didn't care what anyone ever thought about my decisions.<br />
<br />
I remember thinking "How odd that anyone would... it's my life. Hmmm...."<br />
<br />
<br />
So in short, just be you. Develop your beliefs. Live your life. Follow that internal compass. Listen to yourself.<br />
<br />
You're going to mess it up. You will. And you'll get up, roll your eyes at all the people that said "I told you so" and get on with it.<br />
<br />
Congratulations on Chapter 1-The Childhood.<br />
<br />
May your next chapters be filled with love, adventure and friendship.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-21294898171888593122018-07-08T15:27:00.001-07:002018-07-08T18:32:13.468-07:00Mom JokesLast night I had the opportunity to go see 2 VERY funny women do a comedy show. Even better, it was with 2 of my friends- one who I met through Gymboree.<br />
<br />
Mommy humor- is there truly anything funnier than being a mother?<br />
<br />
No.<br />
<br />
You grow a human in your uterus. Your body morphs. You feed them out of your boobs. They spit on you. They pee and poop on you. They hate you. They love you. They roll their eyes at you. They hug you.<br />
<br />
It's all over the place.<br />
<br />
If you can't find the humor in it, you really shouldn't do it.<br />
<br />
And husbands... I'm not going to lie... being a dad is nothing like being a mom. When we leave the house, he grabs the keys and gets in the car. I, on the other hand, make sure everything is locked, do a quick scan for all the items everyone has forgotten (water bottles, backpacks, wallets, sunglasses), put the dogs in the kennels, turn off the lights, set the alarm and then get in the car to a round of "We're going to be late and it's your fault..."<br />
<br />
In general, I have a really good husband who is not flawless. After 18 years together, I would like to add that I have learned that I, in fact, am not flawless.<br />
<br />
But like motherhood, marriage without humor would be a disaster.<br />
<br />
I get the jokes.<br />
<br />
I think I've blogged about my frustration with the "dumb husband" jokes getting old. Or I've started a blog on it, then my husband would do something dumb and I would delete it. I stopped watching "Everyone Loves Raymond" after the second season because honestly, it got old. How dumb was the wife for staying with him? I get that it's a sitcom, but "The Middle" is just as funny and the dad isn't an idiot. Not that I was a fan of the dingbat housewife roles-- but it seemed to go too far for awhile. Now it seems to have come back to the middle (see what I did with that?)<br />
<br />
ANYHOW, the comedians last night, were hilarious. They self-mocked. They joked about mom bods. Married sex. Being perpetually tired.<br />
<br />
I laughed a lot.<br />
<br />
But there were parts that bothered me that I would have laughed at a few years ago-- which is about how much older I am than the comedians.<br />
<br />
It's the mommy drinking jokes.<br />
<br />
I'm not a big drinker. I have been drunk- it's been fun. I have a few friends from college with whom every story starts "So we were drinking..."<br />
<br />
I'm also very good at fake drinking. You may have been out with me and THOUGHT I was drunk, but I wasn't. I can nurse a drink for hours. I can't drink more than 2 glasses of wine and I don't think I've ever finished a beer. I don't like carbonated beverages. Really. Except ginger ale-- which works great, because it looks like a cocktail.<br />
<br />
But honestly, after about 25, I don't drink much. I'm usually the designated driver. I'm completely fine with that.<br />
<br />
I don't care if other people around me drink. I think it loosens them up. I love a good glass of wine with a meal or to share with friends.<br />
<br />
I think a lot of people are nicer with a cocktail or two in them.<br />
<br />
When I first had my son, I was surprised at the number of play dates that involved cocktails for the adults. At first, it was kinda fun- I based the quality of the play dates on the quality of the margaritas.<br />
<br />
I never had more than one because of driving.<br />
<br />
I assumed the people that would have more than one had a higher tolerance.<br />
<br />
But as I've gotten older, I noticed that some of my friends developed serious drinking problems. I guess with the opioid crisis, alcoholism isn't a concern.<br />
<br />
I had a close friend where it was part of ending the friendship. I was worried and reached out to her husband. Her husband was relieved because he had thought the same thing. He did everything he could to make her life easier, thinking it would stop- less stress, etc. Her drinking continued to escalate and eventually, I pulled the plug on the friendship. It was subtle. She was clearly day drinking. Her behavior had made the friendship challenging and with 2 kids, a business and a recession, I didn't need anyone else's worries. It wasn't healthy for my family. <br />
<br />
She's not the only friend I've watched spiral. <br />
<br />
I was surprised when another friend recently told me about how
bad her drinking had gotten. She stopped completely. I had had no
idea. She was almost embarrassed. I thought it was awesome that she realized it.<br />
<br />
I think alcoholism among women is more serious than people realize. The pressure to be perfect- to be an internet mom. To look perfect. To have instagram perfect lives. Grabbing a glass of wine to relax becomes a habit. Then a need. Then it increases.<br />
<br />
It makes me sad.<br />
<br />
My husband and I started doing "Wine O'Clock" and we both realized that it didn't matter what we drank, we enjoyed the time together at the end of the day. Sometimes it's wine, sometimes we have a cocktail (very Mad Men of us) and sometimes we have ice water. We also started having morning coffee together while he's on summer break. Coming from families with histories of alcoholism, we wanted to be careful that it was about the time we spent together, not the alcohol.<br />
<br />
I get that the comedians were joking as they sloshed their wine during their skit- they weren't drinking much (if anything)- but the image of the mommy wino is a real thing.<br />
<br />
It's becoming ingrained in our culture, too. It's funny. It's cool. The GIANT wine glasses that go on sale for Mothers' Day.<br />
<br />
So I guess my point isn't to lecture on drinking, it's to keep an eye out for your friends.<br />
<br />
If they joke about "needing" a glass of wine, make sure they are joking.<br />
<br />
Motherhood can be exhausting. Women tend to compare themselves to each other. No one sees the moments people don't post.<br />
<br />
Real life isn't social media. It's not a competition.<br />
<br />
But just be aware. Your friend may be struggling more than you know.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-62749719222690615452018-04-29T23:38:00.001-07:002018-04-29T23:38:26.891-07:00I Just Didn't Think it was FunnyI'm a nerd. As a kid I liked watching the White House Correspondents Dinner.<br /><br />I did. <br /><br />It took my favorite things- humor, writing & politics and rolled them into a fancy event. I loved watching the Presidents TRY to make a joke. I liked how they could laugh at themselves. I like how they could take being laughed at and still shake hands and smile.<br /><br />I usually think Michelle Wolf is hilarious. <br /><br />But I didn't at the WHCD.<br /><br />I know most of us snowflakes find it ironic that the people hurling insults at us constantly find it hard to laugh at themselves.<br /><br />Watch Fox News for a few hours. You'd lose your sense of humor, too.<br /><br />I get that the same people who called Michelle Obama all kinds of names for wanting kids to have healthy options at restaurants and to move more are upset that we joke about Melania's aversion to touching her husband. I get that what we laugh at is real and they made up stuff.<br /><br />Or posted memes of President Obama being lynched.<br /><br />And poor Malia-- one game of beer pong and she's a lush.<br /><br />I hate the obvious hypocrisy, too.<br /><br />Firing the chaplain for saying to remember the poor? Wow. <br /><br />The inaugural crowd- I mean, c'mon, there are photographs. Lots of photographs. And yes, it rained. God did NOT turn it into a beautiful day for Trump. It rained. <br /><br />I don't know how Jim Acosta hasn't stood up and just shouted "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU ARE LYING! LIAR! LIAR! DRESS ON FIRE!" at Sarah Sanders.<br /><br />So I don't like the administration. I like Michelle Wolf.<br /><br />What's my issue?<br /><br />It wasn't funny to me.<br /><br />It just wasn't.<br /><br />It was like the mean, pretty cheerleader making fun of the gawky band kid and thinking they were too dumb to get it.<br /><br />Oh wait- that was my life.<br /><br />So yes, I'm a little sensitive about it.<br /><br />I get that the POTUS mocks people. I cringed when after making fun of Rubio's sweating & his ears during the Republican debates he turned to Ted Cruz and said "What are you laughing at? No one likes you- you don't have any friends!"<br /><br />I never thought I'd have any compassion for EITHER of those men, but I did.<br /><br />And it seemed like nothing more than a bully.<br /><br />I don't know if I necessarily thing that's a bad thing.<br /><br />Or I should say I didn't think it was a bad thing-- but it was. <br /><br />Because the WHCD is not only a roast, it's a time to lay down the swords and have a fun night. The humor is usually self-deprecating as well as sarcastic against political enemies.<br /><br />Her comments reminded me of Trump at the Al Smith Charity dinner. <br /><br />I didn't like them then and I don't like them now.<br /><br />I happened to agree with her comments on most things. I loved the "How Broke is He?" bit. Spot on. But did I laugh? No.<br /><br />I loved that she tore into the press for the role that they played in the election.<br /><br />But it didn't help. It made things worse. <br /><br />When Rubio mocked Trump's hands after months of being insulted by Trump-- it backfired. Horribly.<br /><br />For whatever reason, Trump is like that obnoxious relative that gets a Get Out of Jail free card for being rude at every family event because "well, that's just how he is... you can't change him."<br /><br />I'm sick of people like that.<br /><br />And dishing it back never works.<br /><br />Ever.<br /><br />And again, maybe because I'm fat and don't know how to put on makeup that I'm a little protective of Sarah Sanders. I miss her bright patterned dresses because I wear them, too. I've watched her slowly diminish before our eyes, falling into the back drop- plain clothes, losing weight-- and please don't get me wrong- I think she supports a lot of what I do not. And if she didn't, she should quit. Fox will give her a show. At the rate that their hosts are leaving, she can even start with a good time slot. She has options and she chooses to say so she must believe in what she's doing.<br /><br />But joke about her needing glasses. Or joke about all the people she's had to deal with in her short tenure. Joke that she's related to Bernie.<br /><br />Or maybe the reason I didn't laugh is because it's not Michelle Wolf that wasn't funny, it's that I can't find anything funny about this administration.<br /><br />One of my Republican friends is over the chaos and she said "Who is against clean air & clean water? What is wrong with them?"<br /><br />I look at the world my children are going to have to deal with. It frightens me. I have friends whose families could be torn apart because of a broken immigration system. Classrooms are packed and they want to divert more money to private schools. Friends who are deployed didn't get paid because they aren't hiring people to process payments because it's silly overhead. <br /><br />So maybe after all it wasn't Michelle Wolf that wasn't funny, it's that Trump is not a laughing matter.<br /><br />At least not to me.<br /><br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-90826247849483038252018-02-17T21:52:00.004-08:002018-02-17T22:22:34.915-08:00These Kids Today....I'm not posting anything on Facebook about the shooting in Florida because I can't have another discussion on gun control. I'll comment but I'm not posting memes, opinions, nada. I will vote and testify on behalf of legislation. But social media...<br />
<br />
I can't.<br />
<br />
It doesn't seem to make much difference to those folks who are dug in that ANY gun legislation is the equivalent of Big Brother taking their guns.<br />
<br />
But what I will happily defend, with every ounce of my soul are "kids today."<br />
<br />
Leave. Them. Alone.<br />
<br />
Seriously.<br />
<br />
You know who is raising the kids today? My generation. And you know who raised us? The senior citizens.<br />
<br />
So if you're complaining about parents and kids- look in the mirror.<br />
<br />
First and foremost-- and I'm going to go to internet universal anger font- CAPS-<br />
<br />
THE PAST WAS NOT AS GREAT AS YOU REMEMBER IT.<br />
Just stop.<br />
<br />
It was not great. Racism was awful. We just watched "Wonder" this weekend- fantastic movie. The oldest daughter in the film has a boyfriend. She was white and he was black. It wasn't even a topic or mentioned and my children didn't think a thing about it. That's awesome.<br />
<br />
When "Jungle Fever" came out, everyone about crapped their pants. The "Jefferson's" upstairs neighbors who were a mixed race couple were the butt of jokes. They couldn't even find a biracial actress to play the daughter.<br />
<br />
My kids' classes are diverse. There are kids of every race, every mix-- and they talk about it. It's not the white blind comment of "I don't notice color"- it's the complete embracing of the fact that their friends are different. They think it's neat that they celebrate different holidays or celebrate holidays differently.<br />
<br />
And sexism. While things aren't great, women are running for office in record numbers. It's discussed and talked about. Women have choices- to have a family, to not have a family, to stay at home with their children or to work. <br />
<br />
And on the flip side of that, I have friends who are stay at home dads. My dad and I were close and I remember that being unusual when he went on field trips as a "Room Mom." Now, my husband is extremely involved in our children's lives. Far more than his father was in his life. He changed diapers. If the kids are sick we both decide who has the busier day and needs to go in. He's taken them to the orthodontist, the doctor, picks them up from school. And he's not the only dad doing this.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to my next issue...<br />
<br />
PARENTS WERE NOT BETTER BEFORE<br />
They weren't. At all.<br />
<br />
And if you're old and crabby, all I can say is look at your kids. Are they all that great? Are they self supporting? And they happily married? Are they good parents? Because if they aren't, newsflash... maybe it was you.<br />
<br />
Crappy parents have been around for years and years and years.<br />
<br />
Parents today are held to ridiculous standards. We are required to monitor our child 24/7 in a truly crazy world of electronics and the internet.<br />
<br />
My parents pretty much said "Be home when the street lights start coming on."<br />
<br />
Kids drank. They partied. They did drugs.<br />
<br />
No one thought to blame their parents for it, though.<br />
<br />
Helicopter parents? That was a thing back in the 70s and 80s. I remember kids bringing in their science fair projects and I would think "They are morons... they didn't do that.." or 4-H projects.. give me a break. And the kids like me who did do their own projects would sit there and think how much it sucked.<br />
<br />
Or the kids who made teams because their parents interfered....<br />
<br />
Nothing has changed.<br />
<br />
Except the one thing I will give you.... see the next section...<br />
<br />
TEACHERS WEREN'T BETTER<br />
Teachers had more authority. They weren't being told what to teach in a minute by minute "script."<br />
<br />
Schools weren't worried about getting sued.<br />
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Schools were funded and they had smaller classrooms so teachers got to know the students.<br />
<br />
We had recess so the ADHD kids could get that energy out. It also gave us time for socializing which clearly based on Facebook conversations is a lost art.<br />
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And if I think pressure is worse on parents these days-- the pressure on teachers is tenfold. They are responsible for not only teaching the materials, but ensuring a stress free work environment <br />
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AND NOW PEOPLE WANT THEM TO TAKE A BULLET AND SHOOT INTRUDERS.<br />
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What. The. Living. Heck.<br />
<br />
No. Just no.<br />
<br />
I don't want loaded weapons in my kids' classrooms. You don't think a kid might grab that from a teacher?!?! You don't think a teacher might snap and shoot a kid?!?! <br />
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I wouldn't want a SWAT officer teaching Calculus and I don't want the Calculus teacher trying to be a sharpshooter.<br />
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So teachers- let's leave them alone.<br />
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Oh and yes, I'm married to one.<br />
<br />
And yes, I'm a parent to 2 really awesome kids.<br />
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They are kids who say please and thank you. They are kids who complete their own projects. They are good students and good friends. <br />
<br />
And I am a very average parent. My kids are great because I have a great mother in law. They are great because they see my husband and I work together as a team. They are great because they've had great teachers. They are great because they have access to things I didn't through the internet. They are great because they were born great and I've simply tried really hard not to screw it up.<br />
<br />
KIDS TODAY ARE AWESOME<br />
I see them every day. I see my children's friends. They are smart and kind and open minded and passionate. I see my husband's students- some who come from absolute poverty- and how hard they work in a world that is fighting them every step of the way. <br />
<br />
Kids graduate from high school and minimum wage hasn't increased since 2009- almost a decade. It costs $100,000 to attend a 4 year public university- what kid can pay for that? There are no summer jobs that can pay for that. Your summer job mowing lawns might have covered tuition 30 years ago, but aside from internet bitcoin hacker, they don't have a chance of being able to pay their own tuition.<br />
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They graduate buried in debt- with jobs paying ridiculously low wages- then they get trashed for having to live at home.<br />
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GIVE THEM A BREAK.<br />
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The kids I saw on TV the past week prove my point. They are strong. They are brave. They are informed.<br />
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They are the future and it makes me happy.<br />
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If you think everything sucks now and kids suck and parents suck my final thoughts for you are:<br />
<br />
GET OFF MY LAWN.<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-86036088243657659382018-01-06T14:41:00.005-08:002018-01-06T14:41:57.975-08:00Composting, the InstaPot, Air Fryers & Other Online Fighting TopicsIn an era of today's great political divide, surprisingly, the most vicious debates that I've seen firsthand online have been over Air Fryers, Composting and the InstaPot.<br /><br />I'm not kidding you.<br /><br />My VERY strong political beliefs aside, these battles have been far more vicious than anything political.<br /><br />To a point that it's hilarious.<br /><br />I like to garden. A lot. In fact, I have been gardening since I was 7 or 8 years old. I grew up in a rural community and was in 4-H. I have friends who are farmers. I can tell the difference between the smell of cow manure and horse manure - as I like to joke, I know my shit.<br /><br />When we moved into our new house about 3 years ago, I was putting in my new garden and I thought "Hey- I should use Facebook for something other than posting memes..." and I joined a local gardening group.<br /><br />Now, if you're not a produce gardener, I should tell you that the it is NOT a homogeneous group. You might think we are a bunch of hippies getting back to our roots. This is not true. There are also a lot of "prepper" type people who are living off the grid or trying to do so. There are also a lot of immigrants who always gardened in their home countries and it's part of who they are. There are people with health issues. There are people like me who are hobbyists and simply like growing things.<br /><br />I would argue that we all have a bit of the off gridder in us, if we were really honest, but that's a blog for another day.<br /><br />You might also assume that people who grow things are patient. Because it takes patience to grow things.<br /><br />This also would be a wrong assumption.<br /><br />I assumed the forum would be a great place to exchange ideas and techniques. It was a nice reprieve from the online hatred the presidential election was spewing. And for the most part, it is an awesome group.<br /><br />Expect for when the "experts" drop in.<br /><br />In gardening, there are people called Master Gardeners who take extensive coursework in growing in their specific zone. These people actually ARE experts. We have quite a few in the group. Or we did... they may have run away, I'm not sure.<br /><br />These are not the experts to whom I am referring.<br /><br />I am referencing the people who think they are experts. They are not open to ANY other ideas except for their own. Which makes me wonder why they would join a group- oh wait- they join to share their brilliance with the rest of us.<br /><br />In this group, we have gone fisticuff over things like USING REGULAR UNFILTERED WATER ON ONE'S GARDEN! Gasp! The horror. In order to grow anything, you MUST have a filtration system.<br /><br />Um.... no.<br /><br />There are plenty of reasons to have a filtration system. It absolutely is better for microbes. No doubt. However, you can grown a healthy garden using regular old water. You need to amend the soil. You'll probably need to replace it at some point. But it is NOT a tragedy to not want to spend hundreds of dollars on a system so you can grow a few tomato plants.<br /><br />Also, I use corrugated metal for my garden beds. Without getting too sciencey on you, it actually stays cool in the summer and helps my soil stay cool & moist- a big deal in the desert southwest. I bought them because they look really cool. I also have been having an enormous amount of success with them.<br /><br />Yes. Really. I have. Honest.<br /><br />But no- that's impossible because metal gets hot and I'm lying. Or so the experts say. So I post pictures of my garden. It's a fluke.<br /><br />Hey, maybe. Or maybe it's science. Physics actually.<br /><br />But the debate on the composting was the best.<br /><br />I'm not even sure how it started, but it did. I started reading about 100 comments into the Great Compost Debate of 2016. It got mean. It got nasty.<br /><br />And I'm just sitting there, reading, cracking up, laughing my ass off.<br /><br />The temperature of the compost. The content. How much water to add. When to use a starter. <br /><br />People were arguing over rotting garbage techniques.<br /><br />Grown adults acting like 3 year olds towards people they've never met.<br /><br />It was funny yet sad.<br /><br />Around that same time, I joined an InstaPot group because- and don't hurt me- I had one and didn't like it. I have a Breville that is waaaaay better, but everyone raved about these things so they went on a super sale at Amazon and I thought I'd try it. My opinion was not swayed.<br /><br />So I go to this group. The recipes people were posting left me baffled- I mean, I can roast a chicken in an hour and 15 minutes. It wasn't any faster. But I would read and keep my comments to myself.<br /><br />And then one day, it happened.<br /><br />A woman named Angela posted something like "I've had my InstaPot for a few months and I honestly don't like it. Am I missing something?"<br /><br />Sweet. Baby. Jesus. <br /><br />Blasphemy.<br /><br />After someone posted "Why would you join this group if you don't like it?!?!"<br /><br />To which she replied: "To see if I was missing something... "<br /><br />And I added: "You're not alone. That's why I'm here. I still don't get it...I think it's great for maybe people who didn't normally cook. I'm not into slow cookers either."<br /><br />Which was hatespeak. I had now insulted them.<br /><br />Most of the people that I know that think the InstaPot is the be all, end all, really hated cooking and this seems to inspire them. Not all, but most. Also, I do not like pot roast. Ever. No matter how tender.<br /><br />I then said I could grill chicken breasts, make rice and steam veggies in 30 minutes- so pressure cooking something in 90 minutes wasn't really "faster."<br /><br />Well, call me a wizard but that was an impossible feat and poor Angela and I were burned at the stake.<br /><br />Of course, I'm cracking up at the illiterate insults being thrown at me.<br /><br />So I left that group.<br /><br />A few days ago my amazing Breville Smart Oven died and I replaced it with the newer version that includes an air fryer. I went to a group to get some recipes. (I promise, I don't work for Breville- I just happen to LOVE their products.).<br /><br />Within 2 days, the same thing happened. A woman asked a pretty innocent question and someone tossed back a snarky answer. And downward it spiraled.<br /><br />Online bullying at its best.<br /><br />Over a kitchen appliance.<br /><br />It's utterly and completely ridiculous.<br /><br />I can't imagine that any of these people would behave this way in the real world. I've met people in our gardening group over the past few years and they are always amazed that I'm the same person online (a bit less quick witted... I have more time to write funny things) as I am offline.<br /><br />But seriously people- if you're fighting with people online over the benefits of an InstaPot and calling them names for not loving it- get a life. Truly. Log out. Talk to some real people. Breathe.<br /><br />I don't anticipate staying in the Air Fryer group any longer either.<br /><br />The gardening group has done a great job booting the nasty people out. Their purpose is to encourage others to garden- preferably organic, but it's okay if you don't have the time to do that. It's ALL better than commercial produce and it's fun.<br /><br />So before you start typing a 15 minute response to someone you've never met because they don't like a design you do, a team you do or whatever you are disagreeing about- stop.<br /><br />Does it really matter? What is your end game? To make some new mother who hasn't slept in a month feel like crap because her baby won't sleep through the night? To convince them that the Steelers are the greatest team ever? To make yourself feel better?<br /><br />Type and then before you hit post- delete it.<br /><br />Making fun of other people online, taunting, bullying, being an ass-- the world needs less of that.<br /><br />If there's nothing positive to your comments, don't make them.<br /><br />Don't be the jerk that always interrupted class in high school.<br /><br />Be an adult. Walk away. <br /><br />Because here's the thing- YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE THIS PEOPLE.<br /><br />I comment on Twitter to politicians quite a bit- and while it is snarky, I include data in my response. They are public figures. They put themselves out there for feedback. I'm never mean, vicious or personal.<br /><br />But I don't attack people who comment. Because I don't know them and I'm pretty sure it doesn't change their minds or values.<br /><br />So maybe if everyone could have a resolution this year, it would be to stop the online bullying crap. The snarkiness. Be a little nicer online.<br /><br />The interwebz was once a giant library of shared ideas. <br /><br />We should at least try. <br /><br />You might even learn a thing or two.<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-69779272731004087382017-12-24T16:07:00.002-08:002017-12-24T16:07:28.960-08:00Holiday Thoughts & SuchIt's Christmas Eve and we just made some cookies... kids fought and argued with each other because that's what brothers and sisters do.<br /><br />I had music in the background, couldn't find half my crap, the kitchen is a mess and we still have to cut out the cookies, dip the peanut balls and ice things... and we have a dinner reservation in a few hours. So we'll do it after.<br /><br />Did I mention I finally caught the cold that everyone else in my house had which is why we are doing cookies now? And of course, I got the worst version of it because it clearly had fortified before hitting me.<br /><br />I still have some gifts to wrap, too.<br /><br />I haven't even watched "Love, Actually"yet.<br /><br />But I am happy.<br /><br />In 2016, everyone kept posting and joking about how it sucked. Celebrities died. And then, of course, our great orange leader became dictator. Fun times. I kept saying "Don't taunt karma...."<br /><br />But 2016 had some other suckage for me. It started out great- hanging with Bernie, almost winning the caucus here (we didn't, then we did, then we didn't... crazy times). My business did really well. I was in our new house. I was losing tons of weight.<br /><br />It looked fantastic on the outside.<br /><br />In fact, almost glamorous.<br /><br />But we almost got divorced. For realsies. I lost a lot of friends over politics (and honestly, who DIDN'T know I was a giant liberal? Seriously, how good of friends were we if that offends you? My real friends- from both parties- knew this and we're still friends). And I was sick and didn't even know it. My kids suffered as well because I was grouchy and tired and a real bitch.<br /><br />And a lot of it really came crashing down this year and because I was sick, I was forced to stop.<br /><br />To say no.<br /><br />To sit on my butt, in fact.<br /><br />A butt that is much larger.<br /><br />MUCH larger.<br /><br />Because as shitty as everything had been, sitting on the couch, I saw how really awesome my life is.<br /><br />My husband stepped up. Big time. My kids really enjoyed the more accessible mom. I got my funny back, too.<br /><br />And once I started feeling better, I blew out my ankle, ended up back on the couch because that's how my life rolls.<br /><br />But what a good life it is.<br /><br />We had more family time and did more silly stupid things this year than ever.<br /><br />I had thought when kids got older, they would want to spend less time with me-- but no, we all kinda came together this past year.<br /><br />Our dinner conversations range from movies to geopolitical unrest to farts. Usually within one meal. <br /><br />Don't get me wrong- I'm still very angry about things in the world. <br /><br />But about mid fall, I gave up letting it prevent me from enjoying the good times.<br /><br />Ever since I read "The Road"- what a horrible, awful book that I'll never shake- I've always kinda thought the apocalypse could happen tomorrow and what would I take with me? Would the good times in my heart pull me through the awfulness that lie ahead? Do I cherish the good times enough to get me through the bad times?<br /><br />It's a bizarre way to live life, I know.<br /><br />But I had gotten away from it.<br /><br />I have some friends facing some very serious crises in their lives- deportation, health issues because they can't afford their insurance (some are life and death) and a few friends who have cancer that is incurable- no matter their insurance. <br /><br />Yet all those people post pictures and still have happy moments in their lives. <br /><br />And here I am, completely fine, my health issues treatable and reversible, and I was wound so tight, I was going to snap.<br /><br />This year, I had to let it go.<br /><br />Maria Shriver posted 5 books that she read this year that she loved. They all were these insightful, thoughtful life changing books.<br /><br />I really like Maria Shriver. I know that if we met, we'd be besties Me, her, Gayle & Oprah would laugh over our chai tea... okay, that sounds very stalkery. But, you know what I mean--<br /><br />But honestly, I looked at her post and I posted "You need to lighten up and read something fun."<br /><br />Because I think I'm done with all the self help for awhile. I'm done with dieting. I'm done with making it my best year ever.<br /><br />2018 is just gonna be.<br /><br />I have a business plan, of course, but personally.... meh.<br /><br />My health is a big thing but not in a goal oriented, hit my marker kinda way.<br /><br />I'm not going to read 3 books a month.<br /><br />I'm not committing to exercising 12 hours a week or hitting 15,000 steps.<br /><br />I'm gonna just wake up, do my thing, and be really appreciative for all the good things.<br /><br />And I'm not writing it in a gratitude journal either.<br /><br />Because I need spend less time measuring and assessing and more time simply being.<br /><br />I'm going to read books that are silly & trashy and make me laugh.<br /><br />I'm going to order dessert.<br /><br />I'm going to go on walks with my family because they are awesome.<br /><br />And some days I'll sleep in and not make the gym.<br /><br />And I won't care.<br /><br />I'm just sorta over striving to be perfect.<br /><br />I'm perfectly fine being imperfect.<br /><br />So that's my year end thought & my resolution.<br /><br />2018 and me are just gonna be.<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-45202149654275297302017-08-15T21:58:00.003-07:002017-08-15T22:53:09.238-07:00Facts to Clarify for the POTUS<b>History:</b><br />
Nazis are responsible for the deaths of millions of people based on their race, sexual orientation & religion. They hate blacks, gypsies, gays, Catholics and especially Jews. Especially Jews.<br />
<br />
We fought the Nazis and sacrificed millions of lives doing so.<br />
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White supremacists use Nazi propaganda to promote their agenda as indicated by the swastika symbol.<br />
<b></b><br />
<br />
<b>Analysis: </b><br />
We do not want to live in a world where Nazis control things because they will kill people.<br />
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Nazis are bad.<br />
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White supremacists have the same philosophies as Nazis.<br />
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<b>Summary:</b><br />
Nazis & White Supremacists = bad<br />
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People against Nazis & White Supremacists = good<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6987137491090073694.post-91152117225788741262017-08-13T22:21:00.002-07:002017-08-15T22:16:50.467-07:00You Might be at a Nazi Rally if...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A young man from my lovely state of Nevada was recently outed as a white supremacist when his face was plastered all over our liberal media.<br />
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Now, this apparently came as a shock to this young man that most of us aren't impressed with his tiki torch wielding and vitriol spewing abilities.<br />
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In fact, there may be some consequences to his exercising his freedom of speech. Like the fact that Nevada is a Right to Work state which means he can be terminated for any reason. <br />
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Oopsy daisy.<br />
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But the best part, this poor, confused young man responded to friends saying he was unaware he was at a Neo-Nazi really. He thought it was a party to celebrate white culture.<br />
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I guess he just got caught up in the moment.<br />
<br />
There he was. Visiting some friends in Virginia and he just happened to stumble upon a group of people wearing the exact same outfit.<br />
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Silly kid.<br />
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I can see how that happens. You go out for a crazy Friday night with some friends, dressed in your father's Dockers Khakis and White Polo to celebrate your whiteness and bam- next thing you know you, you're front and center, holding a tiki torch, the face of a Nazi rally.<br />
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I'm sure they don't want his "I didn't mean it" pretty boy face representing them as well. He is actually denying that he's a racist. I'm sure that's as offensive to them as his being a racist is to me.<br />
<br />
So, to clarify, since I am in fact, 50% hillbilly, I thought I might channel my inner Jeff Foxworthy and his "You might be a Redneck If..." jokes to help folks like poor Peter determine if they are, in fact, at a Nazi rally.<br />
<br />
Here it goes:<br />
<br />
You might be at a Nazi rally if everyone around you is carrying flags with swastikas.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if everyone around you is chanting "Death to the Jews" "Death to Blacks" "Death to Gays" or "Death to Mexicans."<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if the signs noting "Blood & Soil" are not about enhancing the iron in your garden by adding blood meal.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if all the sandwiches are served only on white bread.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if everyone around you is white.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if everyone is carrying weapons, wearing helmets and have shields with swastikas on them (again, the swastika is an excellent sign that this is, in fact, a Nazi event).<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if people wearing Birkenstocks, with rainbow flags and peace signs are chanting "Go Home!"<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if the parade you're marching in is causes people to throw rocks at you.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if militarized police have to accompany you on that same parade.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if most of the attendees have unlimited time to stay because they don't really have any place to go.<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if someone yells "Let's all go over to my mom's house after- she's making pizza rolls! We can hang in my room and terrorize snowflakes with my fake twitter account!"<br />
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You might be at a Nazi rally if the only bands that will play are really bad cover bands of really bad hair bands from the early 80s because every real artist is offended by your party and doesn't want to be associated with you. <br />
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And I get it. I appreciate in this day and age, you can stumble upon this situation more regularly than you realize.<br />
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If they are chanting "Lock her Up!" and "Build the Wall" and you are still surround by all white people, bad music and confederate flags without swastikas- don't panic. That is NOT a Nazi rally- it's a Trump rally. It will feel and look the same, but it's not a hate crime. <br />
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It's just hate.<br />
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So relax. Wear your MAGA hat.<br />
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Please do.<br />
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That way we will know, too.<br />
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<br />Mama Beanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18033217052870979294noreply@blogger.com0