Three more weeks. Not even full weeks. A four day week this week. Then another 4 day week. Then a 2 1/2 day week. Then my kiddos are home!
Oh, and my husband, too. He's a teacher. More on that in a minute....
When I first had kids, I cut back down on my financial planning practice. I sold a block of my practice to another advisor and only met with clients 2 days a week. Long days, but I worked from home MWF. It was great.
Summer was always the time I tried to ramp it up and go in full-time. My husband was home. Theoretically, it should have worked.
It didn't.
I ended up working about the same and feeling guilty.
But this year, no.
My kids were both in school full-time this year. While I still leave early on Mondays and Fridays (and to be honest, after my first year in business I always left early on Fridays) to pick up the kids, the late night once a week makes up for the time.
So I am back to M-F at the office.
Which, considering how much I love what I do, you would think would be great. But honestly, after juggling a tight schedule all these years, it feels very strange. Very strange.
It also feels perpetual. Although I know many times I felt like I was never 100% anywhere, I will say, I miss the trips to the park more than the kids. Before I had kids I could work 60 hours and not bat an eye. Now, well, I liked taking a break here and there.
I also developed bad habits at the office-- because I was only there for such a limited time, I ate at my desk. I very genuinely don't take a break. Which gets old. I also don't manage my time as well. I have these weeks when I am buried and other weeks where I get a lot of online training done, shall we say! I have very organized files. It used to be great that I went in, plowed through the day, and got out of there. Now that there are more days, it's gotten to be a bit much.
And I never took fun time off. Ever. I took a Friday afternoon and did a spa weekend. Once. Every time I take time off, it's to go volunteer at the school or a doctor's appointment. Seriously, going to the gynecologist should NOT be reason to think "Phew--- I get the morning off."
Keep in mind, I love what I do. Truly. I've just felt like I've been on a treadmill for awhile.
I'm completely self-employed, too, which makes it more pathetic. I can schedule anything I want.
But I've had this mindset that I can't. I have to "make up" for the time I missed. Except now, I'm not actually missing any time. Not any more than any other parent or for that matter, colleagues who take time off to golf or take tennis lessons.
I also over volunteered this year- spring in particular. I lost a few weekend days. A night here or there. It was too much.
And the summer thing to "catch up"- never happened. My husband would want to take advantage of his time off, so not much changed. For the first few years he thought it was funny that when I worked from home I kept a schedule. I got up, got dressed and went into my home office. I had a routine. It's hard to work when your spouse is there like a devil on your shoulder pointing out that you can do something later. As the kids got older, it became harder to leave the house to even get to the real office because.... here's the big factor I had not counted on...
I like my children. A lot. They are a blast. I have so much fun with them. Tonight I played trombone with my son. He decided a few weeks ago he wanted to learn. I happen to play. I told him I would give him lessons. He was worried because-- and I quote "I don't know how I can pay you, Mom..." We had our first official lesson tonight. And guess what he told my husband "Mom's a really good teacher... that was fun!"
And my daughter is a hoot. We went through her closet today to clear out for the summer. She just grew so nothing fits. She got her first phone call from a friend. She had the phone cradled on her shoulder while she told her friend what she was doing. The entire time they chatted, she kept cleaning her closet. It was like watching Sarah Jessica Parker talking to Samantha on the phone. We read tonight and I love that she is so expressive when she reads.
I like them.
So this summer I decided screw it. Our holiday break was sidelined because my assistant's father was ill and she had to take off. Then I got sick. Spring break was a bust because I had a few meetings and a few other things came up. Darn it, I deserve time off. It's why I work.
I blocked out three weeks this summer.
I know, crazy. Actually, if you consider I've been in business for nearly 20 years, three weeks isn't that exciting. I did it right before the recession for 2 weeks. But even that was spent visiting family. Sorry-- that's not a vacation.
But for me- wow. It's crazy. I can't even believe it. Three weeks of nothing but my amazing family.
We'll see if I can stick to it!
We recently bought a travel trailer and most of it will be spent camping. I am so incredibly excited. We are going to be in the mountains fishing and hiking.
You know, relaxing.
Getting off the treadmill.
Playing games. Reading books. Enjoying life.
I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am.
My kids are growing so fast- as evidenced by today's closet purge.
I don't want to miss it. I want to be there 100%.
To be completely honest, summers are usually slow for my business. It's 105+- it's similar to our winter. No one wants to go out if they can avoid it. Most of my clients are out of town that time of year. It works. Or I hope it does.
This year, I get time off. I get to play. With my kids. With my husband. Doing something we all love. No obligatory visits. Nothing.
I am so incredibly excited.
Because after all, isn't that the point of working hard?
Three more weeks.... tick... tick... tick...
Thank you for dropping by!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Viva Las Vegas-- Why I live in Sin City
I did not mean to live in Las Vegas.
I don't gamble. I'm not a big drinker. Those are actually good qualities to have if you do live here, by the way.
I ended up during my junior year in college doing an internship in Atlantic City. I applied for that one because they provided room and board. They were the only internship that did. I couldn't afford rent in NYC where most of the internships were. I also had a strong hospitality background- I waited tables, washed dishes, had done the Disney College program-- so casinos weren't that big a stretch.
When I was getting ready to graduate from college, the HR Director where I had done my internship asked me to work the career fair for them and talk to students about the internship program. They paid me, so I said yes. Plus, I really loved it. It was fun. New Jersey is a great state. They treated me extremely well and I learned a lot. He suggested I talk with the VP of The Mirage who was there. He introduced us. We clicked. Great guy. He remembered that I had contacted him 2 years earlier about an internship program. He thought I was quite tenacious. He also told me while he would love to work with me, he knew I would have my choice of jobs when I graduated. He asked me to at least come out and visit the property and meet some people.
I did.
I immediately fell in love with the city. I remember calling my parents and telling them "You're not going to believe this, but this place is great...."
Unfortunately, the offer package was not. The start date would have interfered with a consulting opportunity I had with my university to travel through Asia and publish a study. The salary was half what everyone else offered. I did the mature thing and said no. I had student loans and money was a big deal. And there was no way I was giving up the Asian opportunity.
So I went to Asia. Loved it. I took a fancy job at a Fortune 500 company. I hated every minute of it. Except the onsite gym. That was great.
I called the VP. A job happened to open up. I jumped at it, took the pay cut, drove nearly 3000 miles and figured I would stay for 2 years.
That was 20 years ago.
I tried to leave 18 years ago. It lasted 6 months.
I get a lot of questions about how I can live here. I am amazed that people even need to ask. It is usually asked in a judgmental tone, too.
As if I take kids to the strip clubs... no, just on Family Night (kidding!).
So this is why I live here:
The weather is freaking amazing. Yes, it gets hot in the summer. For about 6 weeks-- not consecutively-- it's uncomfortably hot. As in stick your head in the oven hot. That hot. There is also a lot of truth to dry heat. I will take 105 ANY day over 85 and humid. 110, however, blows. The only inclement weather is the heat, wind gusts and the very rare flash flood.
No ice. No snow. No tornadoes.
I also think it's beautiful. You might see rocks, I see amazing desert scenery that changes with the light. Desert sunsets are breathtaking- the reds, the purples, the blues-- setting behind the mountain range-- beautiful. And yes, there are mountains so my children have seen and played in snow. In fact, you can ski here. And go boating in the same day.
I like living in what a colleague at our India office referred to as "the most fascinating city in the world." The shows, the casinos, the restaurants, the clubs (not such a big deal these days!)-- it's a fun place. It's Disney for grown ups. Every celebrity chef has a restaurant here. It's fun to people watch. Nothing ever closes. My husband was fascinated by the concept of last call when we were visiting Ohio. I can eat steak at 3 am.
I have great friends. Yes, regular people live here. I've been in a book club for 16 years. I used to sing at my former church. It's fairly normal once you're off the strip. Fairly. I'm not going to lie-- it's not a mecca for intellect but you can find bright, intelligent people.
I love the politics here. We have a part-time legislature that plows through in a very brief session. The legislators are accessible as well. You can go to Carson City and get stuff done. Very cool. It's a conservative state with brothels. Seriously, does it get any more interesting? No.
My family is here. I married into a family that has been in town since 1908. I love them. They are fun. It's my husband's heritage- the ranchers, the railroad workers, the cowboys-- it's fun. So yes, we have normal holidays. Again, fairly normal. Is any family event ever completely normal?
It's also diverse. My kids' classes look like Sesame Street. They will be able to adapt to any environment. Racial and ethnic differences don't phase them. They have friends of every make and model.
And the airport. We are the 8th busiest airport. You can always get a flight to anywhere. Very convenient.
In short, I love it here. Love, love, love it. You might scrunch up your nose and think I'm setting my children on a path to debauchery but I wonder "Why wouldn't you live here?' People are constantly complaining about their weather... today WAS a little cloudy...
I love my town. I've been here longer than any place I've every lived and I don't anticipate ever leaving. It has a boom or bust mentality. It's never boring. It's vibrant. It's growing. It's the best.
Viva , viva Las Vegas!
Elvis sings our theme!
I don't gamble. I'm not a big drinker. Those are actually good qualities to have if you do live here, by the way.
I ended up during my junior year in college doing an internship in Atlantic City. I applied for that one because they provided room and board. They were the only internship that did. I couldn't afford rent in NYC where most of the internships were. I also had a strong hospitality background- I waited tables, washed dishes, had done the Disney College program-- so casinos weren't that big a stretch.
When I was getting ready to graduate from college, the HR Director where I had done my internship asked me to work the career fair for them and talk to students about the internship program. They paid me, so I said yes. Plus, I really loved it. It was fun. New Jersey is a great state. They treated me extremely well and I learned a lot. He suggested I talk with the VP of The Mirage who was there. He introduced us. We clicked. Great guy. He remembered that I had contacted him 2 years earlier about an internship program. He thought I was quite tenacious. He also told me while he would love to work with me, he knew I would have my choice of jobs when I graduated. He asked me to at least come out and visit the property and meet some people.
I did.
I immediately fell in love with the city. I remember calling my parents and telling them "You're not going to believe this, but this place is great...."
Unfortunately, the offer package was not. The start date would have interfered with a consulting opportunity I had with my university to travel through Asia and publish a study. The salary was half what everyone else offered. I did the mature thing and said no. I had student loans and money was a big deal. And there was no way I was giving up the Asian opportunity.
So I went to Asia. Loved it. I took a fancy job at a Fortune 500 company. I hated every minute of it. Except the onsite gym. That was great.
I called the VP. A job happened to open up. I jumped at it, took the pay cut, drove nearly 3000 miles and figured I would stay for 2 years.
That was 20 years ago.
I tried to leave 18 years ago. It lasted 6 months.
I get a lot of questions about how I can live here. I am amazed that people even need to ask. It is usually asked in a judgmental tone, too.
As if I take kids to the strip clubs... no, just on Family Night (kidding!).
So this is why I live here:
The weather is freaking amazing. Yes, it gets hot in the summer. For about 6 weeks-- not consecutively-- it's uncomfortably hot. As in stick your head in the oven hot. That hot. There is also a lot of truth to dry heat. I will take 105 ANY day over 85 and humid. 110, however, blows. The only inclement weather is the heat, wind gusts and the very rare flash flood.
No ice. No snow. No tornadoes.
I also think it's beautiful. You might see rocks, I see amazing desert scenery that changes with the light. Desert sunsets are breathtaking- the reds, the purples, the blues-- setting behind the mountain range-- beautiful. And yes, there are mountains so my children have seen and played in snow. In fact, you can ski here. And go boating in the same day.
I like living in what a colleague at our India office referred to as "the most fascinating city in the world." The shows, the casinos, the restaurants, the clubs (not such a big deal these days!)-- it's a fun place. It's Disney for grown ups. Every celebrity chef has a restaurant here. It's fun to people watch. Nothing ever closes. My husband was fascinated by the concept of last call when we were visiting Ohio. I can eat steak at 3 am.
I have great friends. Yes, regular people live here. I've been in a book club for 16 years. I used to sing at my former church. It's fairly normal once you're off the strip. Fairly. I'm not going to lie-- it's not a mecca for intellect but you can find bright, intelligent people.
I love the politics here. We have a part-time legislature that plows through in a very brief session. The legislators are accessible as well. You can go to Carson City and get stuff done. Very cool. It's a conservative state with brothels. Seriously, does it get any more interesting? No.
My family is here. I married into a family that has been in town since 1908. I love them. They are fun. It's my husband's heritage- the ranchers, the railroad workers, the cowboys-- it's fun. So yes, we have normal holidays. Again, fairly normal. Is any family event ever completely normal?
It's also diverse. My kids' classes look like Sesame Street. They will be able to adapt to any environment. Racial and ethnic differences don't phase them. They have friends of every make and model.
And the airport. We are the 8th busiest airport. You can always get a flight to anywhere. Very convenient.
In short, I love it here. Love, love, love it. You might scrunch up your nose and think I'm setting my children on a path to debauchery but I wonder "Why wouldn't you live here?' People are constantly complaining about their weather... today WAS a little cloudy...
I love my town. I've been here longer than any place I've every lived and I don't anticipate ever leaving. It has a boom or bust mentality. It's never boring. It's vibrant. It's growing. It's the best.
Viva , viva Las Vegas!
Elvis sings our theme!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
My Day at the Laundromat
Our washing machine blew up.
I know. Freaky, huh?
The first part of this story is that I was on a mountain in California chaperoning my son's class trip to Astrocamp (which is awesome, by the way). I miraculously had one tiny bar, saw that I had a message from home and listened, thinking it would be my husband saying how much he missed me.
Instead it was something like:
(frantic tone)
"Hey it's me. Do you know where the warranty is for the washing machine? It blew up. It's a mess. There's a hole in the wall. RC Willey's warranty department isn't open again until Monday. Please call me if you know where it is. There's water all over the place. "
Now, if you HADN'T seen the picture, your response would have been:
(sarcastic tone)
"What the hell? I'm gone for less than 24 hours and the house is falling apart. No, I have no freaking clue where the warranty is because I'm ON A MOUNTAIN. Blew up... sure."
Because I was thinking it was overloaded and pulled away from the wall and waah freaking waah.
Oops.
The washing machine blew up.
And just in case YOU have a top loader LG washer without an agitator, yours may, too! Lucky you.
ANYHOW, since I have been running around like a crazy woman this past month, I did not get my laundry done prior to leaving. I figured I would throw it in when I got back from my business trip this week (I got home Sunday night from Astrocamp and got on a plane early Monday morning).
Clearly, this did not happen. Since we have property damage-- a large hole in the wall and the dryer was damage during the explosion-- we are dealing with LG directly and their very overwhelmed product liability division.
In other words, no washing machine.
Or, in layman's terms, no underwear.
I seriously was out of clothes.
I should also point out that I've put some weight back on, so I should clarify- I had no comfortable clothing. So I had to go to the laundromat
The last time I went to a laundromat was in 1993. I actually enjoyed it when I lived in New Jersey. They had these great places called Suds-n-Duds. They were laundromats connected to bars.
Brilliant, I know.
So I didn't have bad memories of them, but in Las Vegas, most apartments have washer-dryers. Most laundromats are not in the best part of town. We live near a not so spectacular area, so fortunately, there is one within 2 miles of my house.
I loaded up the car- and I mean loaded up the car.
Did I mention that my daughter threw up Thursday night so I also had a comforter and sheets with puke on them?
So it was a full load. About 9 loads all together. A full weekend of laundry.
But alas, the laundromat is magical. My son and I went and were able to combine some loads utilizing the HUGE machines.
This was, of course, after I realized I had put the first load in a dryer and not a washer. Oops. They all look alike. Fortunately, the owner came over and helped me out.
And a few other people. The young man who gave me the tips of breaking up my loads in the dryer to save time and money. The other young man who held the door for me when I was taking all my laundry out to the car. The girl with the hot pink hair and I discussed the pros and cons of overfilling the machines.
It was not the usual crowd with whom I hang.
And just when I was feeling a little mightier, I realized that I was in fact in a pair of shorts with no button on them, so I was in perpetual fear they would fall off and a shirt that was too big and my bra straps were hanging out.
In other words, I fit in just fine at the laundromat.
Laundry- the great social equalizer.
In fact, when I asked about the laundry service they offered, I could tell she wanted to say "Sweetie, you can't afford that-- you don't have buttons on your pants..."
My son thought it was a great place. We loaded the machines, emptied them, folded-- he was the perfect assistant. He added "Wow- now I know why you guys hate doing laundry" but we really had fun. We chatted. We folded. He thinks like me, so he appreciated my anal retentive attempts to try and time the washers and dryers perfectly ("It should take us 4 minutes to unload the washer and get it to a dryer, so wait a few minutes before you start it..."-- other people would think this was nuts, he thought it was completely logical!).
But here's the best thing-- we were COMPLETELY DONE WITH ALL THE LAUNDRY IN 2-- TWO- HOURS! It was not an entire weekend thing. Washed, dried, folded, and nearly put away-- nearly because hell would freeze over if I ever got all my laundry put away.
What a fantastic thing!
I even had my husband considering doing this on a regular basis. Well, not really, but I would do this again the next time I get behind on the laundry.
The folding tables are HUGE. There is plenty of room.
And it is done. Done. Done. DONE. I have procrastinated doing laundry longer than it took to finish it all today.
There wasn't even time to read, like I had hoped.
I used to think that "making it" meant I had a nice washing machine. Okay, that wasn't the only criteria, but it never occurred to me that the nicest and most expensive appliance that I ever owned would actually explode.
Maybe going back to the good old days was a good thing? Maybe the fact that my bigger, fancier life is actually making me more stressed out says something.
The conference I was at was to makeover my business- fine tune and change some things I've been doing all the years to make them "better." I find it ironic that through all the chaos I've had this past month, the one thing that you would think would have been an "Oh crap, I have to go to the 'hood and do laundry" could have been the final straw and I would have snapped was the biggest stress reliever of all. It reminded that sometimes the good old days really were good. The less I had, the happier I was (for the most part).
Except for underwear. You truly can never have enough.
The first part of this story is that I was on a mountain in California chaperoning my son's class trip to Astrocamp (which is awesome, by the way). I miraculously had one tiny bar, saw that I had a message from home and listened, thinking it would be my husband saying how much he missed me.
Instead it was something like:
(frantic tone)
"Hey it's me. Do you know where the warranty is for the washing machine? It blew up. It's a mess. There's a hole in the wall. RC Willey's warranty department isn't open again until Monday. Please call me if you know where it is. There's water all over the place. "
Now, if you HADN'T seen the picture, your response would have been:
(sarcastic tone)
"What the hell? I'm gone for less than 24 hours and the house is falling apart. No, I have no freaking clue where the warranty is because I'm ON A MOUNTAIN. Blew up... sure."
Because I was thinking it was overloaded and pulled away from the wall and waah freaking waah.
Oops.
The washing machine blew up.
And just in case YOU have a top loader LG washer without an agitator, yours may, too! Lucky you.
ANYHOW, since I have been running around like a crazy woman this past month, I did not get my laundry done prior to leaving. I figured I would throw it in when I got back from my business trip this week (I got home Sunday night from Astrocamp and got on a plane early Monday morning).
Clearly, this did not happen. Since we have property damage-- a large hole in the wall and the dryer was damage during the explosion-- we are dealing with LG directly and their very overwhelmed product liability division.
In other words, no washing machine.
Or, in layman's terms, no underwear.
I seriously was out of clothes.
I should also point out that I've put some weight back on, so I should clarify- I had no comfortable clothing. So I had to go to the laundromat
The last time I went to a laundromat was in 1993. I actually enjoyed it when I lived in New Jersey. They had these great places called Suds-n-Duds. They were laundromats connected to bars.
Brilliant, I know.
So I didn't have bad memories of them, but in Las Vegas, most apartments have washer-dryers. Most laundromats are not in the best part of town. We live near a not so spectacular area, so fortunately, there is one within 2 miles of my house.
I loaded up the car- and I mean loaded up the car.
Did I mention that my daughter threw up Thursday night so I also had a comforter and sheets with puke on them?
So it was a full load. About 9 loads all together. A full weekend of laundry.
But alas, the laundromat is magical. My son and I went and were able to combine some loads utilizing the HUGE machines.
This was, of course, after I realized I had put the first load in a dryer and not a washer. Oops. They all look alike. Fortunately, the owner came over and helped me out.
And a few other people. The young man who gave me the tips of breaking up my loads in the dryer to save time and money. The other young man who held the door for me when I was taking all my laundry out to the car. The girl with the hot pink hair and I discussed the pros and cons of overfilling the machines.
It was not the usual crowd with whom I hang.
And just when I was feeling a little mightier, I realized that I was in fact in a pair of shorts with no button on them, so I was in perpetual fear they would fall off and a shirt that was too big and my bra straps were hanging out.
In other words, I fit in just fine at the laundromat.
Laundry- the great social equalizer.
In fact, when I asked about the laundry service they offered, I could tell she wanted to say "Sweetie, you can't afford that-- you don't have buttons on your pants..."
My son thought it was a great place. We loaded the machines, emptied them, folded-- he was the perfect assistant. He added "Wow- now I know why you guys hate doing laundry" but we really had fun. We chatted. We folded. He thinks like me, so he appreciated my anal retentive attempts to try and time the washers and dryers perfectly ("It should take us 4 minutes to unload the washer and get it to a dryer, so wait a few minutes before you start it..."-- other people would think this was nuts, he thought it was completely logical!).
But here's the best thing-- we were COMPLETELY DONE WITH ALL THE LAUNDRY IN 2-- TWO- HOURS! It was not an entire weekend thing. Washed, dried, folded, and nearly put away-- nearly because hell would freeze over if I ever got all my laundry put away.
What a fantastic thing!
I even had my husband considering doing this on a regular basis. Well, not really, but I would do this again the next time I get behind on the laundry.
The folding tables are HUGE. There is plenty of room.
And it is done. Done. Done. DONE. I have procrastinated doing laundry longer than it took to finish it all today.
There wasn't even time to read, like I had hoped.
I used to think that "making it" meant I had a nice washing machine. Okay, that wasn't the only criteria, but it never occurred to me that the nicest and most expensive appliance that I ever owned would actually explode.
Maybe going back to the good old days was a good thing? Maybe the fact that my bigger, fancier life is actually making me more stressed out says something.
The conference I was at was to makeover my business- fine tune and change some things I've been doing all the years to make them "better." I find it ironic that through all the chaos I've had this past month, the one thing that you would think would have been an "Oh crap, I have to go to the 'hood and do laundry" could have been the final straw and I would have snapped was the biggest stress reliever of all. It reminded that sometimes the good old days really were good. The less I had, the happier I was (for the most part).
Except for underwear. You truly can never have enough.
And a big thanks to the great people at The Laundry Lounge. If you ever are in a bind or just want to knock it all out-- it's a great facility.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Dear Crazy People
Dear Crazy People,
I would like to ask you to all leave. Glenn "King Daddy Nut" Beck has even said he is going to start his own community. Great. He can be the leader. Please. Go.
The rest of us are voting you off the island, so to speak.
I am tired of you ruining my country. You are morons.
Go. Now. Immediately.
Now I know you are thinking I must be some tree-hugging, gay loving, pot smoking hippie.
Sure. Whatever.
To be honest, I like clean air and water. I don't think companies should be able to pollute and dump crap into either. I don't give a crap who marries who and I'm sorry, I have gay friends and it has absolutely no bearing on my marriage whatsoever. I don't smoke pot because I don't need anything to make me eat, but hey, if I was dying of cancer, I'd rather smoke a little weed than take half the crap the pharmaceutical companies make.
So there. Call me a crazy liberal. You can keep on believing that you are more than an overhead expense to whatever company you work for-- because I'm sure they will never lay you off ever.
Hah.
And you think the potheads are stoned....
Supporting the military, by the way, doesn't mean fighting wars. It means giving them health care, follow up care, jobs after they are done serving their time. It's not flying a flag or wearing a USA #1 t-shirt that you bought at Wal-Mart that was probably made in China.
So please, go.
You hate the government?
When your house in your new Becktopia land- the one without running water or electricity- catches fire, good luck putting it out.
Your neighbor gets pissed at you and pulls out his gun? Hope you're loaded and ready to go-- those police officers that protect you? Yep, they get paid with tax dollars.
And have fun homeschooling your kids. You want to teach them that global warming isn't happening? Go for it. The rest of the world will laugh as we prepare for the changing climate -you can argue that it's just a few scientists-- 98% of them-- with all that fancy talk. Those pictures of the ice caps getting smaller-- I'm sure they were photoshopped. Right. Idiots.
And don't bother teaching your kid about sex. Because everyone knows if you don't talk about it, it won't happen.
Right.
And speaking of sex-- stay out of my vagina. You're worried about the government taking a gun that you don't even own? Really? I'm worried that the entire United States Congress is trying to get up in my hoo haw. So far, they haven't touched my gun but my girl parts are a big topic of conversation.
So again, please leave.
Go live in your own independent world where you don't need anyone or anything.
Let's see how long you last.
I give it 3 days-- 1 day longer than the people on the Carnival cruise ship made it before they went "Lord of the Flies." By the way, that's a book, not a biblical reference. They eat the fat kid in it, since I doubt you'll bother reading it.
Have fun in your special place of fear, anger and hatred.
You want to blow up a bunch of innocent people? Screw you.
The rest of us would like to live in peace. We would like to have different opinions and work them out. We will continue to rely on each other to make the world a better place for EVERYONE-- even those people who maybe aren't as lucky as some of the rest of us.
You can count your bullets, hoard your supplies and do what you want. My guess, in a month you'll be the first people with your hands out, calling out for help because you take the amazing infrastructure in our country completely for granted.
The first storm that hits, you'll be crying for help.
And the rest of us will sit back and laugh and laugh and laugh.
So please, go ahead and leave.
I double dog dare you.
And if you won't go, then shut up.
Sincerely,
The Rest of the Human Population
I would like to ask you to all leave. Glenn "King Daddy Nut" Beck has even said he is going to start his own community. Great. He can be the leader. Please. Go.
The rest of us are voting you off the island, so to speak.
I am tired of you ruining my country. You are morons.
Go. Now. Immediately.
Now I know you are thinking I must be some tree-hugging, gay loving, pot smoking hippie.
Sure. Whatever.
To be honest, I like clean air and water. I don't think companies should be able to pollute and dump crap into either. I don't give a crap who marries who and I'm sorry, I have gay friends and it has absolutely no bearing on my marriage whatsoever. I don't smoke pot because I don't need anything to make me eat, but hey, if I was dying of cancer, I'd rather smoke a little weed than take half the crap the pharmaceutical companies make.
So there. Call me a crazy liberal. You can keep on believing that you are more than an overhead expense to whatever company you work for-- because I'm sure they will never lay you off ever.
Hah.
And you think the potheads are stoned....
Supporting the military, by the way, doesn't mean fighting wars. It means giving them health care, follow up care, jobs after they are done serving their time. It's not flying a flag or wearing a USA #1 t-shirt that you bought at Wal-Mart that was probably made in China.
So please, go.
You hate the government?
When your house in your new Becktopia land- the one without running water or electricity- catches fire, good luck putting it out.
Your neighbor gets pissed at you and pulls out his gun? Hope you're loaded and ready to go-- those police officers that protect you? Yep, they get paid with tax dollars.
And have fun homeschooling your kids. You want to teach them that global warming isn't happening? Go for it. The rest of the world will laugh as we prepare for the changing climate -you can argue that it's just a few scientists-- 98% of them-- with all that fancy talk. Those pictures of the ice caps getting smaller-- I'm sure they were photoshopped. Right. Idiots.
And don't bother teaching your kid about sex. Because everyone knows if you don't talk about it, it won't happen.
Right.
And speaking of sex-- stay out of my vagina. You're worried about the government taking a gun that you don't even own? Really? I'm worried that the entire United States Congress is trying to get up in my hoo haw. So far, they haven't touched my gun but my girl parts are a big topic of conversation.
So again, please leave.
Go live in your own independent world where you don't need anyone or anything.
Let's see how long you last.
I give it 3 days-- 1 day longer than the people on the Carnival cruise ship made it before they went "Lord of the Flies." By the way, that's a book, not a biblical reference. They eat the fat kid in it, since I doubt you'll bother reading it.
Have fun in your special place of fear, anger and hatred.
You want to blow up a bunch of innocent people? Screw you.
The rest of us would like to live in peace. We would like to have different opinions and work them out. We will continue to rely on each other to make the world a better place for EVERYONE-- even those people who maybe aren't as lucky as some of the rest of us.
You can count your bullets, hoard your supplies and do what you want. My guess, in a month you'll be the first people with your hands out, calling out for help because you take the amazing infrastructure in our country completely for granted.
The first storm that hits, you'll be crying for help.
And the rest of us will sit back and laugh and laugh and laugh.
So please, go ahead and leave.
I double dog dare you.
And if you won't go, then shut up.
Sincerely,
The Rest of the Human Population
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Funny stuff my family has said lately...
I have been trying to work with my daughter on her personal hygiene- combing her hair, keeping her nails clean, etc. After she was in tears from my brushing her hair, I suggested that she clean her nails and put on deodorant because "You don't want to be known as the stinky, dirty girl, right?" This caused her to burst into tears and run upstairs.
My son, who patiently watched the tantrum, looked at me and said "Nice job, Mom. Way to make your point."
OUCH.
*********************
Monday night as my daughter was reading to me in her bed, I fell asleep. I woke up the next day. She smiled and said "Don't tell anyone you slept in here, Mom. It's a school night. I don't want to get in trouble."
*********************
With regard to the Easter candy, my son said, "I'm taking inventory. I know what happened to my Halloween candy, MOM."
Oops. Caught.
*********************
We had a LONG road trip last week. On the way home, I realized my husband and I had a miscommunication with regard to our dogsitting. I was pissed so I didn't talk to him for an hour. We were talking about it tonight and I asked if he had even noticed. He said he wondered what he had done to deserve it--- he didn't remember doing anything so great to get me to shut up.
Nice.
*********************
More to come as I think of them.... it's been a busy week!
My son, who patiently watched the tantrum, looked at me and said "Nice job, Mom. Way to make your point."
OUCH.
*********************
Monday night as my daughter was reading to me in her bed, I fell asleep. I woke up the next day. She smiled and said "Don't tell anyone you slept in here, Mom. It's a school night. I don't want to get in trouble."
*********************
With regard to the Easter candy, my son said, "I'm taking inventory. I know what happened to my Halloween candy, MOM."
Oops. Caught.
*********************
We had a LONG road trip last week. On the way home, I realized my husband and I had a miscommunication with regard to our dogsitting. I was pissed so I didn't talk to him for an hour. We were talking about it tonight and I asked if he had even noticed. He said he wondered what he had done to deserve it--- he didn't remember doing anything so great to get me to shut up.
Nice.
*********************
More to come as I think of them.... it's been a busy week!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Sex Education is Not a How To Class
My lovely state has been in a bit of a crisis the past few years. I live in Nevada. I love Nevada. I moved here 20 years ago and absolutely love the climate, the diversity, the landscape. Love, love, love it.
With that said, when things were good, it certainly was fantastic. Schools were built. Money fell from the sky. People held hands and sang Kum Ba Ya.
Awesome.
Okay, I may be exaggerating.
But now that things are tough- we're still recovering from the economic crisis- people seem to be finding everything to fight about it. Even the common sense stuff.
My state allows prostitution.
When you think of Las Vegas (and prostitution is NOT legal in Clark County, by the way), I don't think puritanical images come to mind.
So brothels, scantily clad dancers and servers... but wait-- no updates to our sex ed curriculum since the 1980s?
Nope
So the legislature was trying to pass a bill to require age appropriate sexual education be taught and updated on a regular basis.
Now my first thought was "what really needs to be updated... he puts his willy..."
But honestly a lot of things have changed. The internet. Sexting. Date rape drug use. Posting pictures of having sex with a drunk girl who is passed out.
Maybe a refresher to the course is needed.
Wow. What a shitstorm that caused.
And here's the thing-- most people (not all) weren't arguing that the state shouldn't mandate sex ed, it should be done by local school boards-- that was the real debate-- the NOISE and I mean NOISE was about if sexual education should be taught at all.
Because kids don't have sex.
We have the 4th highest rate of teen pregnancy in the nation.
See the disconnect?
But apparently, if we teach them about it, they will only have more.
What a load of crap.
Okay, here's the deal people-- folks have sex. Every single one of us is here because someone had sex.
Period.
(Oh- and that's something girls get and need to know about. According to the film strip I watched -yes, I'm dating myself- there should also be butterflies and a glow of womanhood. I got cramps and zits. But more than one girl has started her period with no information. Not even the film strip. Talk about terrifying.)
Some people, based on our existence, get pregnant when they have sex. If you don't want to have children, it might be good to know about how to prevent that.
Some people get diseases when they have sex. It also might be good to know how to prevent that. Makes you itch just thinking about it, doesn't it?
And Sex Ed is NOT A HOW TO CLASS. It's a HOW THINGS WORK. Because you need to know. I have adult female friends who only learn about ovulation when they can't pregnant.
Seriously.
And these aren't stupid women.
I did not enjoy having our football coach try to explain sex in a 2 week class. Based on how red his face was-- well technically his whole head because he was bald- he did not enjoy it either. But I got the basics. His uncomfortable descriptions of vaginas and penises in my freshman health class did not inspire me to go get it on. Honestly, it freaked me out.
And, while this will probably piss off my liberal friends, the BEST thing I saw on sexual behavior was an abstinence presentation. No joke. We had a fantastic speaker who came in and gave a 90 minute or so presentation on the benefits of waiting. It wasn't a preachy religious "your penis will fall off if you touch it" thing. It was a very good movie, interactive presentation on how, as a kid, you have enough to worry about. Having sex at an early age can put you in a lot of bad situations that you're not ready for- having a child, choosing not to have a child, getting a disease- and the thing that really stuck-- having the person that you had sex with spread it all over the school and then deal with being labeled as slutty. Because as a teenager I had seen that happen to more than one girl (and be honest, it didn't hurt guys). That seemed scarier and more likely than getting knocked up. Because you can tell me that having sex is natural, etc., but what if the person you chose to have sex with turns out to be a big mouth jerk? Imagine the break up, they said. What then?
You're a kid. Why add complexity to your life right now?
I still remember it. It was about respecting yourself and making good decisions. It wasn't just about abstinence, but the main idea was "if you wait to have sex, it takes a lot off your plate."
It should be part of a comprehensive sexual education program.
As should how things work.
And different types of birth control. How they don't always work. How they really don't work if you don't use them properly.
Because at some point, someone is probably going to have sex.
The morality of it-- that's a whole different discussion. That's a values thing.
But the mechanics- it needs to be taught. And parents are not necessarily the best teachers on that part....
Because what really made my eyes bug out was the debate against teaching people about sex. The sad misinformation after more than one "concerned citizen" took the floor was a testament as to WHY we need. Abortions cause breast cancer. HIV is God's way of eliminating homosexuals. Sex education makes kids have sex. You shouldn't teach about birth control because the only thing 100% effective is abstinence, so why teach it at all.
What?
The supporters just want to update the curriculum to talk about new forms of birth control since the 80's, that having sex on the internet is bad, and the VD is not a good thing to get.
They do not want to take your children and place them in brothels as learning centers.
Since when did keeping people ignorant work for a society?
So I don't get it. At all.
It's information. It's biology.
Absolutely parents should discuss the issue with their children. My sex talk came while I was watching "Love Boat' with my dad. One man was bedhopping. My dad said "I hope you know that's not what you're supposed to do. That's wrong."
That was it.
Thank goodness for the football coach. And Judy Blume. Because honestly, "Forever" played a pretty big role in my education....
But seriously, someone needs to talk to kids about it. It's just sex. It's gonna happen.
I want my kids to know the details. They are not going to listen to me about it or ask me about it when it's time. They aren't. I would like to think they will, but they won't. They will get the abstinence speech from me as the best plan for high school. Absolutely. Because I think it's a good plan. But if they choose not to or find themselves in a position where that's just not going to happen, well, here's the basic info.
Then I will throw up.
But you would have had to hear the comments that these ignorant fools made. It would have been funny if they hadn't really believed them. The more they spoke, the more apparent it became that we need to teach people the basics. My friends' tweets and posts while they were at the public hearing were sadly funny. There is a lot of bad information out there from people who talk more than they think.
Don't leave it to movies and friends and the internet for kids to learn about sex. Let's update what we have. Let's make them think before they do it. Let's equip them with information so they can make good, healthy decisions.
Let's try to at least acknowledge the facts and base our decisions on them.
Let's try to do something.
It certainly would be refreshing.
With that said, when things were good, it certainly was fantastic. Schools were built. Money fell from the sky. People held hands and sang Kum Ba Ya.
Awesome.
Okay, I may be exaggerating.
But now that things are tough- we're still recovering from the economic crisis- people seem to be finding everything to fight about it. Even the common sense stuff.
My state allows prostitution.
When you think of Las Vegas (and prostitution is NOT legal in Clark County, by the way), I don't think puritanical images come to mind.
So brothels, scantily clad dancers and servers... but wait-- no updates to our sex ed curriculum since the 1980s?
Nope
So the legislature was trying to pass a bill to require age appropriate sexual education be taught and updated on a regular basis.
Now my first thought was "what really needs to be updated... he puts his willy..."
But honestly a lot of things have changed. The internet. Sexting. Date rape drug use. Posting pictures of having sex with a drunk girl who is passed out.
Maybe a refresher to the course is needed.
Wow. What a shitstorm that caused.
And here's the thing-- most people (not all) weren't arguing that the state shouldn't mandate sex ed, it should be done by local school boards-- that was the real debate-- the NOISE and I mean NOISE was about if sexual education should be taught at all.
Because kids don't have sex.
We have the 4th highest rate of teen pregnancy in the nation.
See the disconnect?
But apparently, if we teach them about it, they will only have more.
What a load of crap.
Okay, here's the deal people-- folks have sex. Every single one of us is here because someone had sex.
Period.
(Oh- and that's something girls get and need to know about. According to the film strip I watched -yes, I'm dating myself- there should also be butterflies and a glow of womanhood. I got cramps and zits. But more than one girl has started her period with no information. Not even the film strip. Talk about terrifying.)
Some people, based on our existence, get pregnant when they have sex. If you don't want to have children, it might be good to know about how to prevent that.
Some people get diseases when they have sex. It also might be good to know how to prevent that. Makes you itch just thinking about it, doesn't it?
And Sex Ed is NOT A HOW TO CLASS. It's a HOW THINGS WORK. Because you need to know. I have adult female friends who only learn about ovulation when they can't pregnant.
Seriously.
And these aren't stupid women.
I did not enjoy having our football coach try to explain sex in a 2 week class. Based on how red his face was-- well technically his whole head because he was bald- he did not enjoy it either. But I got the basics. His uncomfortable descriptions of vaginas and penises in my freshman health class did not inspire me to go get it on. Honestly, it freaked me out.
And, while this will probably piss off my liberal friends, the BEST thing I saw on sexual behavior was an abstinence presentation. No joke. We had a fantastic speaker who came in and gave a 90 minute or so presentation on the benefits of waiting. It wasn't a preachy religious "your penis will fall off if you touch it" thing. It was a very good movie, interactive presentation on how, as a kid, you have enough to worry about. Having sex at an early age can put you in a lot of bad situations that you're not ready for- having a child, choosing not to have a child, getting a disease- and the thing that really stuck-- having the person that you had sex with spread it all over the school and then deal with being labeled as slutty. Because as a teenager I had seen that happen to more than one girl (and be honest, it didn't hurt guys). That seemed scarier and more likely than getting knocked up. Because you can tell me that having sex is natural, etc., but what if the person you chose to have sex with turns out to be a big mouth jerk? Imagine the break up, they said. What then?
You're a kid. Why add complexity to your life right now?
I still remember it. It was about respecting yourself and making good decisions. It wasn't just about abstinence, but the main idea was "if you wait to have sex, it takes a lot off your plate."
It should be part of a comprehensive sexual education program.
As should how things work.
And different types of birth control. How they don't always work. How they really don't work if you don't use them properly.
Because at some point, someone is probably going to have sex.
The morality of it-- that's a whole different discussion. That's a values thing.
But the mechanics- it needs to be taught. And parents are not necessarily the best teachers on that part....
Because what really made my eyes bug out was the debate against teaching people about sex. The sad misinformation after more than one "concerned citizen" took the floor was a testament as to WHY we need. Abortions cause breast cancer. HIV is God's way of eliminating homosexuals. Sex education makes kids have sex. You shouldn't teach about birth control because the only thing 100% effective is abstinence, so why teach it at all.
What?
The supporters just want to update the curriculum to talk about new forms of birth control since the 80's, that having sex on the internet is bad, and the VD is not a good thing to get.
They do not want to take your children and place them in brothels as learning centers.
Since when did keeping people ignorant work for a society?
So I don't get it. At all.
It's information. It's biology.
Absolutely parents should discuss the issue with their children. My sex talk came while I was watching "Love Boat' with my dad. One man was bedhopping. My dad said "I hope you know that's not what you're supposed to do. That's wrong."
That was it.
Thank goodness for the football coach. And Judy Blume. Because honestly, "Forever" played a pretty big role in my education....
But seriously, someone needs to talk to kids about it. It's just sex. It's gonna happen.
I want my kids to know the details. They are not going to listen to me about it or ask me about it when it's time. They aren't. I would like to think they will, but they won't. They will get the abstinence speech from me as the best plan for high school. Absolutely. Because I think it's a good plan. But if they choose not to or find themselves in a position where that's just not going to happen, well, here's the basic info.
Then I will throw up.
But you would have had to hear the comments that these ignorant fools made. It would have been funny if they hadn't really believed them. The more they spoke, the more apparent it became that we need to teach people the basics. My friends' tweets and posts while they were at the public hearing were sadly funny. There is a lot of bad information out there from people who talk more than they think.
Don't leave it to movies and friends and the internet for kids to learn about sex. Let's update what we have. Let's make them think before they do it. Let's equip them with information so they can make good, healthy decisions.
Let's try to at least acknowledge the facts and base our decisions on them.
Let's try to do something.
It certainly would be refreshing.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Helicopter Parents and Why My Daughter Looks Homeless Lately
Apparently, I am a bit of a lazy parent. I do not feel obligated to make every minute of every day for my child picture perfect. First, I think that sets unrealistic expectations. Second, I think it ruins kids.
As a scout leader and a fairly active parent at my kids' school I'm starting to learn that some may choose to judge me. My children-- and most recently my daughter more so-- from time to time, look like they may be homeless. Their hair is a little messy. The clothes a little wrinkly and not particularly matched.
To some, this makes me a horrible parent.
It's actually intentional. You see, my children are 7 and 10. I think it is reasonable for both of them to pick out their own clothing and brush their own hair. Now with my daughter, I've backed off recently because it was getting REALLY bad and making me nuts, but again, I to some, am a crazy and a horrible parent.
I do not care that their clothes don't match. They are learning. When it's REALLY bad-- like the hair- and trust me, sometimes it is-- I make them change. My son went through a phase where everything he wore was the same color. No regard to shades or patterns. It was hilarious. He figured it out. When he wore the orange outfit, I decided to have the conversation on what "match" meant. And I couldn't take the black socks with shorts, either. So I do have a line. It's just further than most people's lines.
My daughter is a crazy by nature and she can pull off some crazy outfits. As long as they aren't distracting to others (they can be), I let her wear it.
Because there is no way in hell they are going to be sleeping on my couch at 35.
No way.
Picking out your 10 year old's clothing will lead to couch sleeping. I am confident of this.
As I parent, I feel my job is to let them try FIRST and then when they need me, to step in and offer assistance. After all, if I do it first, then how do I ever figure out what they can and can't do?
My kids make their own beds, put their laundry in the hamper (mostly), put their dishes in the dishwasher and can make their own breakfasts. My daughter made toast for the first time on Saturday. You would have thought she made a souffle, she was so proud. It was awesome. My son made ramen noodles a few weeks ago. He was so excited he offered to make dinner for every one. It was delicious. Best ramen I've ever eaten.
And it's not because I'm lazy. It's because they need to know how to feed themselves. Pouring a bowl of cereal and making toast, is not that hard. If I am sick and can't do it for them, my children will not starve. They aren't afraid to grab an apple and take a bite. They don't need me to peel it and section it.
I have some friends who would never dream of allowing their child to touch a stove or toaster. I have no idea why. I want my kids to fly when I boot them out of the nest- not fall on their faces and cry for me.
We worked on their science projects this weekend. They came up with the ideas, their experiments and did their own boards. Did I help? Yes. We focused on scientific method (my son's hypothesis was proven false-- this freaked him out. I had to explain that that was, in fact, exactly what experiments were for-- to test- not just to back up what you already know). I bought the lettering for their boards. I showed my son some different things to do on Word that he didn't know. My husband typed exactly what my daughter told him to type-- although I think she could have done it on her own (but I was doing drop off to a birthday party). I helped her time her project (ice melting). We helped them. We did not DO the projects for them.
Two years ago my son did not get his science fair board completed-- he had done an experiment, tracked it for 6 weeks, but at the end, didn't finish it.
You know what happened?
He didn't turn it in (it's optional for everyone except 5th graders). I didn't stay up until midnight doing it. I didn't let him stay up until midnight.
And then to make matters worse because we are mean, we all went to the science fair and science night at the school that week.
He felt like crap. He would have been the only 2nd grader with a project on display.
And the next year, his project was done. On time. No yelling.
Because when I say "Skip, I have a business trip on Monday morning and we cannot let this wait until Sunday night-- I have to get ready for the trip. I will work with you any other time, just not Sunday night"- it's because I mean it.
When they were little and I would say "If you don't stop acting like that, we will leave" we left. Period. Even if I wanted to stay.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
I don't do homework. I don't blame the teacher. My kids do what is expected. I will be there ANY time they need help, but I will, under no circumstances EVER do their work for them.
EVER.
Because I don't need to. Because my not helping isn't me being obstinate, it's because I have 100% faith that my kids are capable and competent and can do it on their own.
I am a safety net. When they fall, I catch them. But I let them jump.
I had a very nice helicopter mom comment on how smart my daughter was. She asked me what my secret was-- I told her that I let her fail. This mom is very nice-- her intentions are good- but she is always swooping in and fixing everything for her daughter. If my daughter doesn't get her homework done, it doesn't get done. She didn't get a homework award this trimester because of it. I can guarantee it will be done every week during the last trimester. She was not happy about not getting the award.
My kids aren't perfect. I'm not a perfect mom. My kids will probably tell their therapist some day "I can't believe my mom let me leave the house looking like that..." or they'll remember the battles and when I've said "I already completed first grade... now it's your turn." Or maybe they'll be glad that I let them try. And fail.
Failing is good. It teaches you to get back up and try again. Tenacity is a good trait. Failing doesn't kill you. I promise. Being sad or upset-- it's better to learn to deal with it as a kid than to be overwhelmed by it as a teenager or adult. I fail a lot.
Brush it off. Try again.
I am so proud of my kids. For being themselves. They are independent thinkers. They are independent spirits. They have their own opinions. They push themselves-- it's not me pushing-- it's them. They want the awards. Because they know when they win them, THEY won them- not me. They truly get the sense of accomplishment.
It's why I make them order for themselves at restaurants. Or when they want to ask someone a question, I tell them to go ahead and ask-- I don't ask it for them. Their opinion matters. They have a voice.
So maybe they don't look like they stepped out of a magazine. I don't care. Or maybe their science projects are a little crooked or sloppy. I don't care- they did it. It's their work. I already did my science projects. It's their turn.
And we'll see how it turns out. My guess is they will be fine. They know they can do anything and they also know how to ask for help when they get stuck. I'm sure when they are teenagers, I'll have to push a little more, but maybe not.
But the one thing that I absolutely, positively know is that they will not be sleeping on my couch when they are 35.
As a scout leader and a fairly active parent at my kids' school I'm starting to learn that some may choose to judge me. My children-- and most recently my daughter more so-- from time to time, look like they may be homeless. Their hair is a little messy. The clothes a little wrinkly and not particularly matched.
To some, this makes me a horrible parent.
It's actually intentional. You see, my children are 7 and 10. I think it is reasonable for both of them to pick out their own clothing and brush their own hair. Now with my daughter, I've backed off recently because it was getting REALLY bad and making me nuts, but again, I to some, am a crazy and a horrible parent.
I do not care that their clothes don't match. They are learning. When it's REALLY bad-- like the hair- and trust me, sometimes it is-- I make them change. My son went through a phase where everything he wore was the same color. No regard to shades or patterns. It was hilarious. He figured it out. When he wore the orange outfit, I decided to have the conversation on what "match" meant. And I couldn't take the black socks with shorts, either. So I do have a line. It's just further than most people's lines.
My daughter is a crazy by nature and she can pull off some crazy outfits. As long as they aren't distracting to others (they can be), I let her wear it.
Because there is no way in hell they are going to be sleeping on my couch at 35.
No way.
Picking out your 10 year old's clothing will lead to couch sleeping. I am confident of this.
As I parent, I feel my job is to let them try FIRST and then when they need me, to step in and offer assistance. After all, if I do it first, then how do I ever figure out what they can and can't do?
My kids make their own beds, put their laundry in the hamper (mostly), put their dishes in the dishwasher and can make their own breakfasts. My daughter made toast for the first time on Saturday. You would have thought she made a souffle, she was so proud. It was awesome. My son made ramen noodles a few weeks ago. He was so excited he offered to make dinner for every one. It was delicious. Best ramen I've ever eaten.
And it's not because I'm lazy. It's because they need to know how to feed themselves. Pouring a bowl of cereal and making toast, is not that hard. If I am sick and can't do it for them, my children will not starve. They aren't afraid to grab an apple and take a bite. They don't need me to peel it and section it.
I have some friends who would never dream of allowing their child to touch a stove or toaster. I have no idea why. I want my kids to fly when I boot them out of the nest- not fall on their faces and cry for me.
We worked on their science projects this weekend. They came up with the ideas, their experiments and did their own boards. Did I help? Yes. We focused on scientific method (my son's hypothesis was proven false-- this freaked him out. I had to explain that that was, in fact, exactly what experiments were for-- to test- not just to back up what you already know). I bought the lettering for their boards. I showed my son some different things to do on Word that he didn't know. My husband typed exactly what my daughter told him to type-- although I think she could have done it on her own (but I was doing drop off to a birthday party). I helped her time her project (ice melting). We helped them. We did not DO the projects for them.
Two years ago my son did not get his science fair board completed-- he had done an experiment, tracked it for 6 weeks, but at the end, didn't finish it.
You know what happened?
He didn't turn it in (it's optional for everyone except 5th graders). I didn't stay up until midnight doing it. I didn't let him stay up until midnight.
And then to make matters worse because we are mean, we all went to the science fair and science night at the school that week.
He felt like crap. He would have been the only 2nd grader with a project on display.
And the next year, his project was done. On time. No yelling.
Because when I say "Skip, I have a business trip on Monday morning and we cannot let this wait until Sunday night-- I have to get ready for the trip. I will work with you any other time, just not Sunday night"- it's because I mean it.
When they were little and I would say "If you don't stop acting like that, we will leave" we left. Period. Even if I wanted to stay.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
I don't do homework. I don't blame the teacher. My kids do what is expected. I will be there ANY time they need help, but I will, under no circumstances EVER do their work for them.
EVER.
Because I don't need to. Because my not helping isn't me being obstinate, it's because I have 100% faith that my kids are capable and competent and can do it on their own.
I am a safety net. When they fall, I catch them. But I let them jump.
I had a very nice helicopter mom comment on how smart my daughter was. She asked me what my secret was-- I told her that I let her fail. This mom is very nice-- her intentions are good- but she is always swooping in and fixing everything for her daughter. If my daughter doesn't get her homework done, it doesn't get done. She didn't get a homework award this trimester because of it. I can guarantee it will be done every week during the last trimester. She was not happy about not getting the award.
My kids aren't perfect. I'm not a perfect mom. My kids will probably tell their therapist some day "I can't believe my mom let me leave the house looking like that..." or they'll remember the battles and when I've said "I already completed first grade... now it's your turn." Or maybe they'll be glad that I let them try. And fail.
Failing is good. It teaches you to get back up and try again. Tenacity is a good trait. Failing doesn't kill you. I promise. Being sad or upset-- it's better to learn to deal with it as a kid than to be overwhelmed by it as a teenager or adult. I fail a lot.
Brush it off. Try again.
I am so proud of my kids. For being themselves. They are independent thinkers. They are independent spirits. They have their own opinions. They push themselves-- it's not me pushing-- it's them. They want the awards. Because they know when they win them, THEY won them- not me. They truly get the sense of accomplishment.
It's why I make them order for themselves at restaurants. Or when they want to ask someone a question, I tell them to go ahead and ask-- I don't ask it for them. Their opinion matters. They have a voice.
So maybe they don't look like they stepped out of a magazine. I don't care. Or maybe their science projects are a little crooked or sloppy. I don't care- they did it. It's their work. I already did my science projects. It's their turn.
And we'll see how it turns out. My guess is they will be fine. They know they can do anything and they also know how to ask for help when they get stuck. I'm sure when they are teenagers, I'll have to push a little more, but maybe not.
But the one thing that I absolutely, positively know is that they will not be sleeping on my couch when they are 35.
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