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Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Dear Crazy People

Dear Crazy People,

I would like to ask you to all leave.  Glenn "King Daddy Nut" Beck has even said he is going to start his own community.  Great.  He can be the leader.  Please.  Go.

The rest of us are voting you off the island, so to speak.

I am tired of you ruining my country.  You are morons.

Go.  Now.  Immediately.

Now I know you are thinking I must be some tree-hugging, gay loving, pot smoking hippie.

Sure.  Whatever.

To be honest, I like clean air and water.  I don't think companies should be able to pollute and dump crap into either.  I don't give a crap who marries who and I'm sorry, I have gay friends and it has absolutely no bearing on my marriage whatsoever.  I don't smoke pot because I don't need anything to make me eat, but hey, if I was dying of cancer, I'd rather smoke a little weed than take half the crap the pharmaceutical companies make. 

So there.  Call me a crazy liberal. You can keep on believing that you are more than an overhead expense to whatever company you work for-- because I'm sure they will never lay you off ever.

Hah.

And you think the potheads are stoned....

Supporting the military, by the way, doesn't mean fighting wars.  It means giving them health care, follow up care, jobs after they are done serving their time.  It's not flying a flag or wearing a USA #1 t-shirt that you bought at Wal-Mart that was probably made in China.

So please, go.

You hate the government?

When your house in your new Becktopia land- the one without running water or electricity- catches fire, good luck putting it out.

Your neighbor gets pissed at you and pulls out his gun?  Hope you're loaded and ready to go-- those police officers that protect you?  Yep, they get paid with tax dollars.

And have fun homeschooling your kids.  You want to teach them that global warming isn't happening?  Go for it.  The rest of the world will laugh as we prepare for the changing climate -you can argue that it's just a few scientists-- 98% of them-- with all that fancy talk.  Those pictures of the ice caps getting smaller-- I'm sure they were photoshopped.  Right.  Idiots.

And don't bother teaching your kid about sex. Because everyone knows if you don't talk about it, it won't happen.

Right.

And speaking of sex-- stay out of my vagina.  You're worried about the government taking a gun that you don't even own?  Really?  I'm worried that the entire United States Congress is trying to get up in my hoo haw.  So far, they haven't touched my gun but my girl parts are a big topic of conversation.

So again, please leave.

Go live in your own independent world where you don't need anyone or anything. 

Let's see how long you last.

I give it 3 days-- 1 day longer than the people on the Carnival cruise ship made it before they went "Lord of the Flies."  By the way, that's a book, not a biblical reference.  They eat the fat kid in it, since I doubt you'll bother reading it.

Have fun in your special place of fear, anger and hatred.

You want to blow up a bunch of innocent people?  Screw you.

The rest of us would like to live in peace.  We would like to have different opinions and work them out.  We will continue to rely on each other to make the world a better place for EVERYONE-- even those people who maybe aren't as lucky as some of the rest of us.

You can count your bullets, hoard your supplies and do what you want.  My guess, in a month you'll be the first people with your hands out, calling out for help because you take the amazing infrastructure in our country completely for granted.

The first storm that hits, you'll be crying for help.

And the rest of us will sit back and laugh and laugh and laugh.

So please, go ahead and leave.

I double dog dare you.

And if you won't go, then shut up.


Sincerely,

The Rest of the Human Population

2 comments:

Tory K said...

Yowzas!

That is a whole bowlful of anger!
My laptop is smoking!

Mama Bean said...

I just read one too many anti-government comments on articles about the Boston bombing and thought "What in the hell does this have to do with ANYTHING?" Please let these people LEAVE.