It's Christmas Eve and we just made some cookies... kids fought and argued with each other because that's what brothers and sisters do.
I had music in the background, couldn't find half my crap, the kitchen is a mess and we still have to cut out the cookies, dip the peanut balls and ice things... and we have a dinner reservation in a few hours. So we'll do it after.
Did I mention I finally caught the cold that everyone else in my house had which is why we are doing cookies now? And of course, I got the worst version of it because it clearly had fortified before hitting me.
I still have some gifts to wrap, too.
I haven't even watched "Love, Actually"yet.
But I am happy.
In 2016, everyone kept posting and joking about how it sucked. Celebrities died. And then, of course, our great orange leader became dictator. Fun times. I kept saying "Don't taunt karma...."
But 2016 had some other suckage for me. It started out great- hanging with Bernie, almost winning the caucus here (we didn't, then we did, then we didn't... crazy times). My business did really well. I was in our new house. I was losing tons of weight.
It looked fantastic on the outside.
In fact, almost glamorous.
But we almost got divorced. For realsies. I lost a lot of friends over politics (and honestly, who DIDN'T know I was a giant liberal? Seriously, how good of friends were we if that offends you? My real friends- from both parties- knew this and we're still friends). And I was sick and didn't even know it. My kids suffered as well because I was grouchy and tired and a real bitch.
And a lot of it really came crashing down this year and because I was sick, I was forced to stop.
To say no.
To sit on my butt, in fact.
A butt that is much larger.
Because as shitty as everything had been, sitting on the couch, I saw how really awesome my life is.
My husband stepped up. Big time. My kids really enjoyed the more accessible mom. I got my funny back, too.
And once I started feeling better, I blew out my ankle, ended up back on the couch because that's how my life rolls.
But what a good life it is.
We had more family time and did more silly stupid things this year than ever.
I had thought when kids got older, they would want to spend less time with me-- but no, we all kinda came together this past year.
Our dinner conversations range from movies to geopolitical unrest to farts. Usually within one meal.
Don't get me wrong- I'm still very angry about things in the world.
But about mid fall, I gave up letting it prevent me from enjoying the good times.
Ever since I read "The Road"- what a horrible, awful book that I'll never shake- I've always kinda thought the apocalypse could happen tomorrow and what would I take with me? Would the good times in my heart pull me through the awfulness that lie ahead? Do I cherish the good times enough to get me through the bad times?
It's a bizarre way to live life, I know.
But I had gotten away from it.
I have some friends facing some very serious crises in their lives- deportation, health issues because they can't afford their insurance (some are life and death) and a few friends who have cancer that is incurable- no matter their insurance.
Yet all those people post pictures and still have happy moments in their lives.
And here I am, completely fine, my health issues treatable and reversible, and I was wound so tight, I was going to snap.
This year, I had to let it go.
Maria Shriver posted 5 books that she read this year that she loved. They all were these insightful, thoughtful life changing books.
I really like Maria Shriver. I know that if we met, we'd be besties Me, her, Gayle & Oprah would laugh over our chai tea... okay, that sounds very stalkery. But, you know what I mean--
But honestly, I looked at her post and I posted "You need to lighten up and read something fun."
Because I think I'm done with all the self help for awhile. I'm done with dieting. I'm done with making it my best year ever.
2018 is just gonna be.
I have a business plan, of course, but personally.... meh.
My health is a big thing but not in a goal oriented, hit my marker kinda way.
I'm not going to read 3 books a month.
I'm not committing to exercising 12 hours a week or hitting 15,000 steps.
I'm gonna just wake up, do my thing, and be really appreciative for all the good things.
And I'm not writing it in a gratitude journal either.
Because I need spend less time measuring and assessing and more time simply being.
I'm going to read books that are silly & trashy and make me laugh.
I'm going to order dessert.
I'm going to go on walks with my family because they are awesome.
And some days I'll sleep in and not make the gym.
And I won't care.
I'm just sorta over striving to be perfect.
I'm perfectly fine being imperfect.
So that's my year end thought & my resolution.
2018 and me are just gonna be.