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Thursday, March 8, 2012

A New Mini-Series for my blog "Stupid Things I've Done"

I decided to add a new aspect to my blog- short stories about stupid things I've done.  I don't mean about drinking too much and having photos taken, but just silly, little mamabeanisms that make me crack up.  My main reason for doing this is because many mamabeanisms still bring me to tears laughing... and Papa Bean, too.

This came to me at dinner tonight when we shared a slightly inappropriate story with my 9 year old son.

My husband is a teacher with the Clark County School District.  When the kids were young, I worked from home 2-3 days a week, and met with clients on the other days at my office (so yes, I have a REAL job... read my first blog and you'll know what this means).

My husband usually called me once a day.  We have caller ID.  I answered the phone like this:

"Hello, Clark.  You can't keep calling me at this number.  My husband is going to find out."

And it CRACKED us up.  Because we are, if you haven't figured it, complete dorks.

I did this in a very smoky, sexy, asthmatic voice.  A wheezy Demi Moore meets Kathleen Turner.

Sometimes we would continue being obnoxious.

And we have caller ID, so it's safe, right?

Well, flash ahead 5 years.  I had registered my son for kindergarten in the spring.  He was signed up for full day kindergarten, but there weren't enough kids, so it was pending until they had enough students.

You see where this is going??

Anyhow, it's the spring, about a month after the kindergarten round-up.

The phone rings.

The caller ID says Clark County Schools.

I answer:

"Hello, lover...." in my sultry voice.

There is a pause.

No "Are you naked?" response.

"Um, hello?  Is this the Bean residence?  This is Sally from YadaYada Elementary...." pause.


My son's new school.

I laughed... and I explained "I'm sorry-- I thought you were my husband.... he is a teacher... wow... this is embarassing...."

Fortunately, once I explained, she laughed her head off.  She was calling to let me know the full day kindergarten was a go.

I was borderline mortified.  But these things ALWAYS happen to me.  I get away with NOTHING.

So, honestly, I thought it was pretty stinking hilarious, too.

I always wonder if she remembers that I was the porn voiced mom when I'm in the office.  She hasn't said anything yet.  It's been 4 1/2 years.  I assume she's forgotten.

That, or she tells everyone about what a sex perv I am.

And this is my life.


fit-to-be-tied said...

This was a hilarious post. Glad I found your blog! This is something my wife and I would do, but I would be the one to get busted.

Mama Bean said...

Thanks! My whole life is full of these types of things! Glad it's not just me!

Vicki said...

Hah! Passing this one on for Hubs to read :)