I am 42. Overweight. No flexibility. I can't run.
I also have started one of the most intense workout programs of my life- Crossfit.
I first heard about Crossfit because my former high school principal started posting things like "I did Fran in 14:05"-- and I would respond "Does that include cuddle time?"
He told me about Crossfit. Many of the workouts are named after the trainers. He also sent me a note when he saw how I had spent the past 6 months struggling with Weight Watchers with very little benefit. He thought it might be what I needed.
I looked into it. The way the schedule worked for the one nearest me, I had to wait until summer. Being a mom, a business owner-- there's not a lot of free time. Spring is also when my husband coaches track, so any every minute is accounted for until school is out. I didn't want to start something that I knew I couldn't do or would stick with.
I had another friend Shane (not my hubby) who also was doing it. He loved it. He sent me some encouraging links.
And my friend Jay...
And the list goes on and on.
Everyone-- especially the people who "knew me when"- cheered me on. My friend Emily in Connecticut started it as well. My friend Deanne in Illinois starts next week.
So why, out of all the things in the world did I decide to do something that is entirely out of the box for me?
First, nothing else was working. I am the quintessential low fat, reduced calorie, lotsa cardio example of how to get fat. I have exercised and dieted my metabolism into nothing.
Second, and this is the real reason. I had to.
It looks impossible to me. So I had to do it. Reconnecting with those people who "knew me when" was why.
I used to take on every challenge with determination. There was nothing I couldn't do. After high school, when I was set to be an exchange student, my paperwork got screwed up. I was being sent to an entirely different country where I didn't speak the language. I thought about bailing, but then I figured what the heck-- why not? That was me.
When I picked colleges, a few people commented there was no way I could get into an Ivy League school- I should play it safe. I didn't. I loved every minute of having exceptional professors and meeting some of the brightest people that I still call friends.
I packed up my car, left a cushy job and started a new life, 2000 miles away in a city where I knew 1 person-- that I met a week before I graduated college and had had a 20 minute conversation with.
I went into a male dominated industry, had a 95-98% chance of failing and I survived. I thrived even.
That was me.
Then I got a little lazy. I joked that I started to play The Lowest Common Denominator Game-- how mediocre could I be and still be considered successful?
And it was a very easy lifestyle to get sucked into. Into mediocrity.
I need this. Not so I look good. I don't care if I ever have my 21 year old body back. I need this for my head. I need this because I need to prove that I am still that person-- the one who could look at rock wall and think "I can climb that"- not "Let's go get lattes instead."
I need to remember how it feels to be strong. How it feels to easily run up a flight a stairs. How it feels to have a strong core. How it made me sing better.
I need to remember how it feels when I look at something I can't do, focus and do it. How it feels to accomplish something that seems impossible.
Doing a pull up seems impossible to me. Easily running 400m seems like a dream-- 200m is a stretch. Easily doing regular push-ups.
I can't do any of those things. Yet.
I need to do this for me. Not to be skinny. Not to lose weight. But to remember that I am brave. That I am not defined by a title on a business card. That anything is possible.
I need to do this so I can find the girl I "knew when."