Ee gads. I joined Weight Watchers.
Get me a scrunchie, buy me a minivan, subscribe me to "O" magazine- I have crossed over into the last circle of Suburban Inferno. I'll be turning in my cool card tomorrow. Okay, I never really HAD a cool card.
I have a lot of friends that lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers. I also have a lot of friends who have gained most of it back. I always cringe when people say "Oh, I've done Weight Watchers a bunch of times. It always works." No, it must not if you have to keep going back.
I also am fascinated by people who don't know that whole grain bread is better than white bread. Really? Yes, vegetables are good. Ice cream is bad. This is not rocket science.
Um, but wait, I am fat. I can't be a judgmental bitch anymore like in my youth.
I decided that now, after my surgery, that perhaps, I should mix it up even though I've always been able to get weight off before because, to quote myself, if I was really doing it right, I wouldn't have to keep losing it.
And forget the online stuff. That worked once. Now I just don't log in. Kinda like my philosophy that if I don't get on the scale, then I must not be gaining weight.
Those are not effective weight loss strategies.
So I went to the meeting. I felt like it was AA. As I signed in, I told the very fun meeting leader "Honestly, I'm just here for the public humiliation." I sat around the room, much like an addict probably does and thinking "Wow, look at these people--they don't know how to eat- holy crap, I'm one of them."
Fortunately a friend of mine from church was there- I hadn't seen her in a few years. She was fairly new to the program as well and I made comments throughout the meeting, cracking up her and the older women sitting next to me.
I cringed as people discussed how great "zero" point food was- processed crap without calories or nutritional value. There is no way I'm eating that stuff. Chemical food, albeit 0 calories, is scarier than ice cream to me. I think at one point I was making a face and the leader saw me. Oops.
Then they shared a microwave cake recipe. I thought I would I gag. It sounded disgusting. One woman said "I tried that. It's gross." Phew. I'm not nuts.
And as the meeting progressed, I realized "Holy cow, I'm the only person in here that cooks." I'm always fascinated at how little people cook.
That is the honest to goodness truth. I already buy fresh produce. We eat fairly healthy 80% of the time. I just need to make 95%. And I need to cut out the butter and my beloved cheese (what is the meaning of life without cheese?). I can drop the coffee with cream and switch back to tea. I can't stand artificial sweetener. I think it tastes funky. I can definitely tweak my eating habits. While I can blame my back for my lack of exercise, it certainly has held up on my way to the pantry to hit the cookies!
But the really cool thing I found with the WW program- I don't have to eat nasty, processed faux food full of fake sugar substitutes (although they do hawk their products). They actually have a nice program that is flexible. Since I do cook, it's actually easier. I don't have to keep calculating points. I can cook fish faster than you can microwave a frozen dinner (that new Breville is amazing!).
And I get stickers. No kidding. For every 5% I lose. Woo hoo! Just in case the scale doesn't motivate me enough, I will get stickers. Don't laugh. I'm competitive. This actually will work for me. I'm not proud that good health and a long life aren't as motivating as stickers, but it's the truth.
And the leader was really quite fun. And the older woman around me. They were a hoot. And my friend.
It did not suck.
And it's everything I already know, but in a different format. And I get to have someone hold me accountable. And I can get stickers.
What the heck? Why not? It was kinda fun.
So for the next 10 weeks I will count points like every other mom in the PTA. And I will go back to my "group therapy."
It certainly can't hurt.