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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Stupid Sh*t My Husband and I Do to Keep Laughing

Last year I wrote a blog with marriage tips on my anniversary.

I hope they all were useful to everyone.  As always, I like to reiterate not dating others.  Every year another friend's marriage falls apart because they are unclear on this.

This year, now that I have an entire 11 years of marriage under my belt- which I think is 234 in Hollywood years, I thought I would take a different twist-- how on earth do you keep laughing?  Because all those deep, intimate moments get really boring after 11 years. 

I like to laugh.  A lot.  Loudly.  Often.  I think life should be enjoyed in its entirety.

Fortunately, my husband is very funny.

And we are very funny together.

At least to us.

Some of the funny things we like to do is send each other ridiculous text messages throughout the day.  We often ask each other if we're naked.... here's a "normal" exchange..

"Hey there sexy"



"The sky lol."


"Of course.  My next client will be thirled..."

"I mean thrilled.. I hate autocorrupt"




"RU picking up the kids?"

See-- sexy, fun and efficient.  That's us.

We like to make everything into a sexual innuendo.

Everything.  Our kids don't quite get it yet.  By next year, our son will be vomiting.

"Hey....' (do you see a pattern)

"Hey there...."

"Do you want some butter for your bread??"

"Why yes I do...."

And then we will literally put butter on our bread.

I know, it's hot.  You're jealous.

We like to watch YouTube videos.  Tonight we sat on the couch and watched a 15 minute video of game show responses.  And we laughed and laughed and laughed.

Yep.  We live LARGE.

We like to reenact our first kiss.  Our first kiss was leaning against my car, in front of his house.  He went in for the sweet kiss on the cheek.  I went for the full, open mouth Frencher.  I ended up licking his ear.

Not my coolest moment.  It also was a huge "I'M EASY!!" sign.

So for fun sometimes, we make cow eyes at each other and I lick his ear and he the proceeds to hump my leg.

If you see us in this bizarre position, that's what's going on.

Because why not?

We also like to sit in restaurants and make up back stories for people.  We noticed that some people sit there at dinner in restaurants and never speak to each other.  We will mimic them.  Or mock them from afar. We also try to identify first dates that are going badly.  Hee hee...

For the debates, I did voiceovers to a point I think my husband was ready to slap me. And not in a good way.

At the second debate, when Jeremy the college student asked the candidates if he would get a job in 2 years, I mocked poor nerdy Jeremy...

"Jeremy... have you ever been with a woman?"  (Caddyshack reference)

"Jeremy... tell me more about the showers at your university..."

"Jeremy.... when you're alone do you have dirty thoughts...."

Or those lines that go up and down.... I suggested that when the red (male) line spiked it was because a candidate had said "BOOBIES!!"in a pitch only audible to men.

And of course, if you're a reader, you know we've spent a lot of time screwing with pollsters.

I also do voiceovers with the kids shows.  Bob the Builder is a dirty, dirty boy.

There are the vicious games of Words With Friends and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

We are very disturbed.

But this entertains us.

My husband also likes to scare the crap out of the kids.  He's not small, so when he jumps out of the pantry and freaks out one of the kids, I die laughing.

We also fart in the car and open the opposite window so it sucks across the car.

Told you we were disturbed.

But if in this era where marriages are disposable, I'll do what it takes.

Even if it requires farting.

1 comment:

Vicki said...

I told a friend the other day that if everyone would just give each other titty twisters before falling asleep there wouldn't be a divorce problem. I say fart & sext to your little heart's content if that's what it takes to keep the marriage rockin'! :)