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Friday, October 14, 2011

My life as a Square Peg

I had a recent FB post that said no matter how hard I tried, I just don't fit in with the PTA crowd.  The comments were hilarious and appreciated.  I do want to point out that the PTA wasn't like the crowd on the recent episode "Suburgatory"-- they aren't uptight bitches by any means-- they are actually very nice.  I just simply don't fit in.

Here's the scoop- this is not the first time this has happened to me.  In fact, I've spent most of my life not fitting in.

I always credit my curly hair with my ability to accept that I'm not like all the other kids.  My giant mop of hair always made me stick out a bit in the crowd.  When the other little girls had cutesy pigtails, I had my mini fro.  It never really bothered me.  It just was what it was.

It continued throughout school.  I liked sports in grade school, but I also loved to tap dance.  I wasn't quite a dancer and I wasn't quite a jock.  Most of my friends were boys because I didn't care about clothes or reading "Teen Beat."  I was always a little odd.  I liked math, but wasn't a math nerd.  I even went to math camp and stuck out because I wasn't nerdy enough.  I play trombone-- although female trombonists are getting more popular now, they weren't when I started.  At a national music camp, I was the "chick trombonist."  Now there's a moniker to put on a t-shirt!

In college, it continued.  I was the mid-westerner amongst New Yorkers.  In my very liberal dorm, The Language House, I was one of the more conservative students - not politically, just personally.  I was the blue collar kid amongst trust fund kids. I sat in a human resources class and realized I was the only one who had ever received a paycheck!  Socially, I got bids into a few sororities, ended up joining the one I thought I fit into best only to quit 6 weeks later because, well, I just didn't fit.

Professionally, more of the same.  I'm a Democrat who works in finance.  My fellow Dems are protesting me now in their "Occupy Wall Street" movement.  Once again, I'm the odd man out.

And try being a working mom.  Talk about being out of place.  I once had a stay at home mom tell me that she "put her family first"-- which I apparently didn't.  Sigh.  And at work, I had another advisor offer to buy my practice so I could stay home and be "more fulfilled."  Bigger sigh.  I don't fit in on the playground or the boys' club.

I'm too analytical.  I'm too emotional.  I'm too serious.  I'm too glib.  I'm too intense.  I'm too flippant.  I'm too fast.  I'm too slow.  I'm too mommy.  I'm too professional.  I'm too educated.  I'm too casual.  I'm too blunt.  I'm too nice.  I'm always "too."

I don't blame the mommies at the PTA.  They were very nice.  I know am never going to fit.

And I'm usually okay with it.

Because I know it's not really true.  Every time I write a blog or make a post, the main comment I get is "Sounds like me and my life."

So maybe I do fit in.  Maybe I'm just a little bit like everybody and a lot like nobody.

Maybe I'm just me.

1 comment:

maelene said...

This all sounds just like me. I never fit in either and I no longer care to fake it for anyone else's pleasure. It's me as is or not me!