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I truly appreciate that you've decided to share part of your day in my world. I hope your time has been well spent and I've made you smile, laugh or think.





Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Thanks for the Mammaries....

Tomorrow is the big day.

The deboobectomy.

Or more technically, the reductive mammoplasty.

My insurance has denied it.  I will appeal.

I will not, however, wait. 

Apparently, in the world of insurance, the less you use it, the less you can use it.  If I were a hypochondriac or pill popper I probably would have no issue. 

Because I am fat, I can not get the surgery.  I am a GIANT -size 16.  I know, how can I even fit through the door? My BMI is 2 points higher than the average American.  Yes, I realize that is not the best comparative pool, but hey, it's the pool my insurance company uses.

Ironically, I am fat, because I can not exercise because of my back pain.  My last blog about returning to the gym was followed by a week on prednisone.

Oh well.

Screw them.

It's worth the money.

At least that's what every single woman I've talked to who has had the surgery has said.

I am looking forward to a few things--
  • Blouses that stay buttoned.
  • Wearing a blazer.
  • Wearing the proper size, so the shoulders don't hang halfway down my arms.
  • Exercising.
  • Jumping jacks.
  • Tap dancing.
  • Buying a bra in a department store.
  • Sleeping on my stomach.
  • Sleeping on my side.
  • Getting out of bed without it being a major event.
  • Walking upright.
  • Sitting upright.
  • Seeing my feet.

Clearly, it's cosmetic.  Because when you think Mama Bean, you think High Maintenance Woman.  Please, I have 10 times more books than shoes.  At least.

Idiots.


ANYHOW, the upside to all this, have been the HILARIOUS commentaries from my friends on Facebook.  I've been told that it is inappropriate to discuss this, but honestly, I don't see what the big deal is (well, technically it's two big deals).  It's kinda funny.  It's boobs.  It's also fairly obvious- if it wasn't, I wouldn't be having the surgery!

I've had friends wish me the breast.
Apologize for coming in under the wire on their wishes.
Sharing their mammaries.
Hope that I nip my back pain.
Want me to keep them abreast of my recovery.
Reminding me what a great weight will be lifted off my chest.
Leaving uplifting messages.
Said ta-ta to my ta-ta's.
Told me the breast is yet to come.
Recommended breast transplantation services.
Suggested that I milk the recovery period.

So in summary, I have the breast friends a girl could have. 

And yes, I will be sure to keep you all abreast!!

Ta ta for now---

Mama Bean

1 comment:

Helen said...

Stooooopid insurance companies! I have several friends who have done this and agree it's one of the best gifts they've ever given themselves. I'm glad you decided to go ahead so you can stop sagging behind the rest of us with your exercise.