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Friday, May 11, 2012

Hilarious Bassackward Compliments I've Received

I have been buried the past few weeks, but I wanted to be sure and post something this week.  I decided to do a short compilation of really bad compliments I've received over the years.  It's a quick one, but you'll laugh.  I swear, I am not making these things up.

"You're lucky.  As you get older, you'll be prettier because you don't have any looks to lose." - from my grandmother when I was 16.  I like to think she was saying I was classically pretty.

"You don't look smart."- guy at the bar when I was cocktail waitressing and told him I went to Cornell.

"I didn't recognize you.  You look nice."  On the way into my boyfriend's prom at his high school, senior year from a girl I'm still friends with.

"You don't act American.  Your hair isn't permed, you don't wear make-up and you're not loud."- from a European roommate in college.  Well, not all of us act like that...

"I think you've dated more people than me!!"- a colleague I shared office space with who was extremely attractive and was mesmerized that men would want to date me....

"I don't get it.  Why does everyone want to date you?  I mean, you're not offensive looking or anything"- a roommate in my 20's, who eventually came out.  I think that explains why he didn't get it.  I still adore him and it still, nearly 20 years later, cracks me up.

"You'd be really pretty if you lost 20 lbs"- and you would still be rude...

"Your kids are beautiful.  Do they look like their father?"-- no joke.

"Your kids are beautiful.  Isn't it funny how it skips a generation?" -- no joke on this one either.

"You just think you're smarter than me because you have degree in this and do it for a living"- yes, yes, I do.

"That's a nice ring.  I'm sure he can get you a bigger one later."- on showing my engagement ring to a friend's friend that I didn't know very well.

"That is so sweet you would date someone like Shane."- one of my husband's colleagues at a wedding who was referencing his weight.  I replied "Yes and he's hung like a horse" to which she dropped her jaw and shut up.  Mess with me all you want, don't even think of messing with my sweetie!

"Ah, you're the smart one..." which can only imply that I am, in fact, NOT the pretty one....

"Oh, so you work?  That's nice.  I put my family first."- from a mom on the playground at the kids' private pre-school.  She has to work now. HA.

"They must be hackers..."  when telling my dad that I have blog readers in Malaysia and all over the world.

And I'm sure there are more- for whatever reason people seem to think I am not offended-- but it's late.  I'll add to this if I remember more--


Kasey Z. said...

Lori, these are hilarious! Someone once asked me, when wearing a Cornell shirt, "Oh, who went to Cornell?" I was thinking, "Gee, dumbass, the busty chick wearing the shirt?!" But I just said, icily, "I did."

The Flying Endorphin said...

Ive decided that some people are just dumb, like the other day in Sam's club it took this one chick 10 minutes (no joke) to decide if she wanted to use the big fat wod of cash or her two $17 some dollar gift cards to pay for her almost $200 bill....ummm meanwhile, SOMEONE (moi) might have places to go (late) and kids to pick up (late). I decided there and then that some people do belong in the "Stupid" section. All of your above "friends" should join them......phew, got that off my chest....gassyass!!!!