I have been faced with a huge decision this past week...
To gray or not to gray?
You see, my hair going gray. I am 42. It's not exactly prematurely graying. It's time. I've seen pictures from 40 years ago. Women my age used to have gray hair.
Thanks to Garnier Nutriesse Cocoa Bean and L'Oreal Dark Brown with Highlights, I've managed to put it off.
At what point should I embrace it?
I'm not ready for it. My hair is, but I am not.
I am not ready to face my mortality. That I'm on the downside of the mountain. Because that's what it really says to me. And that's a little scary. I feel like I'm just nearing the peak.
Did I miss it?
From a hair standpoint, however, it's a fairly simple question.
I have curly hair. It blends in well. It's coming in a nice color gray-- sparkly, not dull. My hair is already wiry, so there's no change in texture. It doesn't look bad.
Assuming, I wanted gray- or in my case silver- hair.
But apparently, I don't.
I cringe when I put a hairband on and there it is.
It takes me 30 minutes to color my hair.
It costs $8. It looks nice (even per my hair dresser who asked which kind I used).
But then when do I stop? Do I want to be 75 with brown hair? When do you decide you're old "enough?" Do you ever REALLY get old enough to admit that you're old enough?
I also don't want to be the lady with the black hair, white roots and bright red lipstick slightly smudged. You know her. You see her and go "How cute...." I want to be the tanned, silver haired goddess that embraces her age. I think. Maybe.
My husband's grandmother looks fantastic with her snow white hair.
My mom doesn't count because hre hair didn't go grey until her 60's. She had some in her 50's, but no joke, it really didn't start to gray until, well, she was older. Retirement age. Her hair waited until it was appropriate. And let me tell you, she had a few "discussions" about it with her younger sister who insisted she was dying it. I know for a fact that my mother has absolutely no idea how to color her hair. Nor would she ever consider dying it. You'd have to know her to appreciate that. She's not "that kind" of women. Dyed hair is up there with tattoos, piercings and other types of loose behavior.
So I'm torn. Do I let my hair takes it's natural course, suck it up now and allow it to slowly turn silver or do I turn my head, ignore the aging process, be a loose woman and mix my magic potion?
I am in one of the few industries where a little gray around the temples isn't a bad thing. I come across as young- at least based on the jaw drops I get when I say I'm 42-- so maybe a little gray will make me look distinguished? Mature?
Or will I just look old?
I am very, very young at heart. I like to say I'm perpetually 26 in my mind.
My hair, however, is not.
My guess, I'll let it go until I just can't take it.
I just don't want to end up the only person, at 42, when I eat at the Sun City Cafe to have silver hair.
Because honestly, it doesn't seem anyone has gray hair any more. Or is it me? Do they hide somewhere?
So for now, I will continue to contemplate.
But if you call and I'm not "able to talk" it's because I am sitting in a towel, with the timer on, holding onto my youth like dog with a bone.
I guess it's better than being my husband. He is hoping his hair lasts long enough to go gray.
But for me, I stare in the mirror and wonder....
Because it's just not time yet.