I don't have all my daily specifics but here's what's been going on...
I have moisturized and flossed every day.
I've meditated twice since my last post.
You may see this as failure-- I see this as I've moisturized and flossed every day. The easiest ones, of course, but it's really easy to just fall into bed because...
We've had this house sale/house build thing going on. It all looked great. Until the appraisal fell apart. Not because of the quality of the house-- in fact, if we lived a few blocks away our house would be worth about $50-$100,000 more. A few blocks.
Anyhow, without sounding too crazy, it was an emotional week. We assumed the deal was off. As was our new home build. So we were a little surprised when it went through with some adjustments.
And the movers, that we hadn't scheduled assuming it was off or would be delayed, were only available today. Saturday. We found out it was a go on Thursday.
Less than 48 hours.
To our credit, we had purged a few weeks ago when we put in new flooring and listed the house. We had about a third already packed. We also are staying at my mother-in-law's, so we did have to figure out what we needed and what we didn't. We are going to be here until late October.
But we got it done. Almost. We still have more than a week to get everything out and tomorrow we will spend Father's Day, moving the rest of the stuff to my MILs or throwing stuff out. It always looks like it's not a lot, but it is always more than you think. And next week I have 14 client meetings. That's a lot, by the way. We were planning on moving next weekend. It had all looked good... then it got crazy.
Honestly, I'm grateful. We would have procrastinated this whole week- I would have been too busy to do anything, so we got through it a week earlier and now we have some time to spend doing the last little bit.
It worked out for the best.
The whole experience also made us rethink how much we wanted this new home. I had said that I really was fine staying in our current house. That I love. But when the option wasn't there, we were really sad. Which was a great indicator that we really DID want to move.
Even the kids. Yep, that's right. My daughter was a little happy that we were staying at first, but then she said "What about the reading area we were going to put in...." and she was bummed.
It reaffirmed that we were doing the right thing.
We needed it, too. We were on the fence and it's scary to move forward when you're on the fence.
We're not scared any more.
We are really excited, in fact.
And all the while that we were going through this, my son had robotics camp. I worked. I had a client event even. My husband was a nervous wreck. We spent all of Monday picking out options on a house we didn't really think was going to work out. Up and down. Regular life went on while we were in limbo.
I usually do well with limbo- I work in a field that is perpetual in motion. I am paid on commissions. The majority of my professional life is uncertain- and I love it. I am a risk taker by nature. But my family... my family is my rock. My home is my rock. To not know was really stressful. I can take risks, because home is my safe haven.
Right before we found out that the buyers still wanted our house, my daughter was accepted at her new school on a zone variance- since we were moving, she could start the year there. We went to register her thinking "oh well... at least she's in a better school." We even told them it might be falling through. Then it all came together an hour later. And on Friday, my son and his partner won his division at robotics camp.
And we moved.
So no, I did not meditate. I did not walk at night. I did not make healthy meals.
I stress ate.
We went out a lot.
I couldn't sleep.
When I tried to meditate, I couldn't. Just couldn't. I was angry. I was sad. I was frustrated.
It was that bad.
So all I did was floss and moisturize. And after EVERYTHING that happened this week, I'm good with that.
What really kept me grounded was the fact that I have amazing friends. They cheered me on both virtually and personally. My friend Ellen called at the perfect moment because she has been going through a similar situation with her house. My friend Hadar sent me great links with information. My friends Melissa and Anna Marie don't really want me to move, but listened to me bitch and made sure I was okay. Kimberly, Doug and another Melissa who went out with me Friday night because I needed a break. Julie who is my assistant and my friend knew what to keep off my desk this week. Angela the sales agent on the new home called me back after I called to tell her what happened, simply to tell me that she actually broke down and cried after we spoke because it didn't seem fair (and before you say it's for her commission, it wasn't. There's a HUGE waiting list for the development). My mother-in-law who is simply the greatest person I know, kept checking in on me because I could tell she was sensing that I was very much on the edge.
And then my poor, poor husband. This Father's Day he gets to move the rest of the crap. It's not as bad as the year I had a breast reduction and he had to drain the tubes... and we all had lice.
But through the stress of the uncertainty, we had a few good arguments and it made our marriage even better. We confirmed that we are both on the same page with what we want for the future and for now.
And our kids. Holy crap, they are the most amazing people. They are excited and using this as an adventure. They both have cried (my son teared up to clarify). But suddenly we are excited. We are moving into a great house in October. They were hilarious today. They helped. They were good.
There's still a little bit up in the air....
The mortgage process... the appraisal of the new house... who knows?
Because something has to be uncertain.
I would actually be stunned if it didn't work out- absolutely stunned. But it might not...
A little uncertainty is okay. It keeps me going.
Maybe it's because the movers were cheerful and had fun. Maybe it's because it cost way less than what we thought it would because we didn't have nearly the stuff that they thought we would.
That certainly helped.
But honestly, tonight I am happy not because we are getting a new home, I am happy because my family is happy. Because we resolved a lot of issues. Because I know I have friends that I can count on for support. Because every roadblock that came up this month had a purpose to it. Because while the meditation didn't happen for extend periods, it certainly helped me cope.
And it was NEVER about the house or the money. The stress was about not knowing. 110%.
When the movers commented that "You really don't have much stuff"- I wanted to say "I do. I have way more than I will ever need or deserve and none of it is any of those crates."